A Quickie: A Perfect Getaway

A Perfect Getaway


Release: 08.07.09
Rated R
1 hour, 37 minutes


Full Price

Cliff (Steve Zahn, Joy Ride) and Cydney (Milla Jovovich, Resident Evil), are gathering supplies to embark on a three-day hike along a gorgeous Hawaii trail to a secluded beach. En route they stop for hitchhikers Kale (Chris Hemsworth, Star Trek) and Cleo (Marley Shelton, Death Proof), but Cliff's wariness nixes giving them a lift. Along the trail, they meet Nick (Timothy Olyphant, Hitman) and are told by other hikers that the cops are searching for a couple who murdered some honeymooners back in Honolulu. Sticking with the survivalist Nick seems a good idea, until they meet his better half, Gina (Kiele Sanchez, Stuck on You).

The tagline for A Perfect Getaway effectively sums up the premise; 6 strangers, 2 killers, no getting away. Writer-director David Twohy (The Arrival) flexes mad skills by crafting equally compelling arguments for each couple to be labeled the killers, but is excellent at playing his cards close to his chest. The banter between Cliff, the screenplay writer, and Nick, the self-described American Jedi, is garnished with occasional literary devices; Twohy almost seems to be flaunting his story's excellent structure.

When the truth is revealed, Twohy uses a series of blue-tinged flashbacks to fill in the missing blanks. The washed out color grew off-putting and some of the flashbacks could have been replaced with dialogue in the first two acts had Twohy spent a little less time ingratiating himself.

The final act's action is tight, gruesome and violent, and leaves you wanting more. Having seen way too many movies, it's hard to find a thriller that keeps me riveted, but A Perfect Getaway did just that. To Twohy for accomplishing this feat, may I quote Nick when I say, "Outstanding."

Joe Doesn't Blow

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra


Release: 08.07.09
Rated PG-13 (Ha!)
1 hour, 58 minutes


Matinee



Duke (Channing Tatum, She's the Man) is tasked with safeguarding a payload of nanomite warheads built by McCullen's (Christopher Eccleston, 28 Days Later) company M.A.R.S. The convoy is attacked by an advanced group of terrorists led by the Baroness (Sienna Miller, Stardust). Were it not for a mysterious band of heroes led by Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, The Mummy Returns), the terrorists would have been successful. Duke and his buddy Ripcord (Marlon Wayans, Dungeons & Dragons) insist the warheads remain in their possession. They are escorted to General Hawk (Dennis Quaid, Vantage Point) at G.I. Joe headquarters.

Before I get started, let me clarify a few things. I was never a huge G.I. Joe fan as a kid. By the time my bus got home, I would catch the last half of Joe as I waited impatiently for Transformers, Thundercats, Voltron or whatever other cartoon alien show followed it. I had a handful of figures, but they usually got crushed under Optimus's tires. Then when I first saw the trailer for this movie, I expected this to be a steaming turd, rolled in powdered sugar and topped with dingleberries, that the studios were trying to shove down audiences' throats. If you caught last week's Trailer Trash, I insinuated that Marlon Wayans was going to be as annoying as a taint hair. Given these three pre-existing factors, you can imagine my surprise.

Serious Joe fans may be perturbed they changed a few of the characters' histories, but it worked well to tighten the expansive world into a more mentally digestible, though somewhat too convenient, story. The metal-munching nanomites may seem implausible, but no more so than a mission put on hold to allow two gung ho soldiers to complete a battery of tests to join the most elite fighting force in the world. The story marches doubletime, sparing audiences from getting bogged down in these shaky details.

I loved Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Brick) in his small role as The Doctor. I've always liked Dennis Quaid and Christopher Eccleston, and though I'm not a fan of Marlon Wayans, he gave one of the film's better performances...when he wasn't tap dancing for cheap laughs. However, watching his costar Channing Tatum was like pulling teeth. Stephen Hawking could have delivered lines with more emotion, charisma and far better timing. While I'm bitching, I got nothing against Jonathan Pryce (The Brothers Grimm), but would it have killed them to hire an American to play the U.S. President?! Mummy fans will be happy that director Stephen Sommers (Van Helsing) finds jobs for many of his old cast, such as Arnold Vosloo (Blood Diamond) as the douchey Zartan.

Dirty Undies
Audiences didn't sign on looking for riveting performances; they enlisted for the action and mayhem. G.I. Joe goes above and beyond the call of duty, and in my opinion, its PG-13 rating. I LOVE violent action films, but how is watching a woman stabbed through the chest, followed by a man skewered on a fork lift blade, and topped off with a unknown-soldier flambé kid friendly? Excessive gunfire, explosions and death are an exciting and commonplace elements in G.I. Joe, so don't be surprised.

Director Stephen Sommers (The Mummy) fills G.I. Joe with grandiose action sequences even if they all weren't up to visual snuff. The opening sequence is awesomely violent and spectacular; it really hooks you. The tour through the Pit and the accelerator suit chase, among others, look about as awesome as The Mummy's special effects. That would be cool if it were 1999, but it's 2009 and CGI is much, much improved. Watching characters traipse in front of flat, matted backgrounds was more than a little disappointing.

Watching Sienna Miller strut around in black leather was not the least disappointing. Well, there is that scene when she's rocking a low-cut, black leather jumpsuit, bedazzled like she was Britney Spears, as she heads into battle. Hugely impractical. Speaking of huge, you should check out Scarlett's (Rachel Nichols, Star Trek) big green eyes. You won't notice them since her boobs practically burst from every military issue outfit she wears.

The Money Shot
G.I. Joe is far more entertaining than expected. Thanks to some seriously lousy acting and piss-poor special effects, it never achieves awesomeness. Still, Sommers and his small army of writers manage to make the fantastical elements of G.I. Joe seem believable, if only marginally. Having it firmly declared a hit, expect to see G.I. Joe: Cobra Returns and G.I. Joe: Serpentor, the Cobra Emperor and the spin-off series The Cobra Commander.

MMM: Waiting 'Til the Shine Wears Off

This week's Monday Mood Music selection was a no-brainer considering I saw this group in concert last Thursday and their songs are still echoing in my mind. A hot, humid and rainy evening had been expected, but fortunately for everyone it turned out to be a rather mild, albeit dewy, night at the Walnut Creek Pavilion here in Raleigh, NC. Even better was the energetic performance Coldplay gave.

That's right, Coldplay; Chris Martin, Jonny Buckland, Guy Berryman and Will Champion (in case you knew only Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow). After the first few songs, the amphitheater went dark with only Martin talking. When the lights came up, huge yellow balloons were bouncing from the covered seats and grassy knoll! A laser light show shot multicolored beams from the stage and cannons spewed insane amounts of confetti everywhere.

The best part? Realizing the band was navigating their way through the crowd to an ad-hoc mini stage set up at the front of the lawn. Once there, they strapped on some guitars and performed about five songs acoustically, including a cover of Michael Jackson's Billie Jean. They eventually returned to the main stage and finished the evening. To top it off, we were given a complimentary nine-track live album as we exited (grab your copy here).

I expected the music to be good, but had never expected it to be that good. There was just a great energy. The only stumbling block was when Chris Martin thought it was Friday instead of Thursday, but he laughed at his own fuck up. In honor of a night (and my money) well spent, here's a live performance of my favorite song from Coldplay's latest album, Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends:

Coldplay - Lost

Trailer Trash: The August 7th Quickie

You know it's an insane start to the month when the Reel Whore can't start it off with a Gang Bang! It may turn out to be a good thing considering August has, like, fifteen movies slated for release. That's just a lot of celluloid for anyone to take in.

Instead of starting August with a hard-pounding line-up of trailers, stargazers will be treated to a quickie summarizing each week's releases.

I've also decided to switch things up a bit. Since my time to write is sparse, I've decided to use pretty, pretty pictures to help take out the trash. A photo-heavy, quickie Trailer Trash; I know it's a lot of changes, but some of you stargazers may prefer it.

According to IMDb here's what's opening today (in no particular order):

Shorts: The Adventures of the Wishing Rock (08.07) The only reason someone would subject themselves to this:

is to help Robert Rodriguez bank roll these:

Maybe I'll just drop Robert a check in the mail instead.

Verdict: Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.

***

A Perfect Getaway (08.07) A thriller featuring three of my favorite nearly-megastars, Steve Zahn, Timothy Olyphant, and Milla Jovovich:

It may turn out to be crap, but I'll be there opening weekend to find out.

Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!

***

Julie & Julia (08.07) What could be better than a film starring Who's That Lady? inductee Mary Lynn Rajskub and Amy Adams portraying a woman who cooks for her man?!


Meryl, please demonstrate just how excited I am:

Honestly, I could watch an entire movie of Amy sucking her finger, but that'd be a whole different kind of film:

Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!

***

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (08.07) I've got three reasons to be excited about this:

One, Dennis Quaid as General Hawk!
Two, Snake Eyes!

Three, umm, maybe those would make it FOUR reasons?

Problem is, to see all that I have to suffer through this:

and this:

and him:

Where's Derek Luke, Taye Diggs, Tyrese Gibson, hell, even Tyler Perry when you need him!

Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

***

Join me again next week when I break it down for August 14th's nine releases, or as I like to call it; the end-of-summer colonic.

A Quickie: Obsessed

Obsessed

Release: 04.24.09
DVD Release: 08.07.09
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 48 minutes


Second Run Seats

Derek Charles (Idris Elba, American Gangster) is living the dream of many a man; beau coup money, two fancy cars, a big new house and Beyoncé Knowles (Dreamgirls) as his wife, Sharon. Everyone knows Derek is a great guy with a perfect life, except the new temp, Lisa (Ali Larter, House on Haunted Hill). Lisa knows his life would be better if he'd just dump wifey and love her psychotic ass.

Elba gives a top-notch performance despite rumors of his regret for doing the project. Larter gives off a sexual predator vibe naturally. You'd hate to be trapped in a dark corner with her...actually, you'd love it until she goes all whack-a-doo over you. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Bey proved she's taken an acting lesson or two. Granted, her Houston twang defies the fact that Sharon was born in San Diego; maybe there's a Texas District in the city.

However, the story isn't without its problems. Derek is a bit of a bitch when it comes to women. He lets Lisa get way too carried away, and Sharon dictates terms to him as the problem explodes. Derek needed to run his house! Obsessed focuses on the Derek dilemma in the first two acts only to pull a bait-and-switch with a Bey-centric third act. That would be acceptable if we knew anything specific about Sharon other than she's a housewife who unpacks furniture in four-inch stilettos. Frankly, you enter the Sharon-Lisa confrontation with more emotional investment in the cuckoo blonde bitch, which is just weird. However, it's not as weird as the final frame focusing on Mrs. J Hova, cutting off Elba's mug in the process. WTF?

I went into Obsessed with LOW expectations and had them surpassed. A fun and forgettable film with enough pretty people to make it fairly painless.

The Jizt: The Soloist

In this fast-paced world of blogging, tweeting and fly-by-night film voyeurism, sometimes one doesn't have the time to give a film proper treatment. More importantly, others do not always have the time to read it. Sometimes you just have to take it around back and squeeze one out in 1-2-3 quick licks. Think of The Jizt as the wham, bam, thank you ma'am of reviews.



The Soloist


Release: 04.24.09
DVD Release: 08.04.09
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 57 minutes


Second Run Seats



Cast: Jamie Foxx (Ray), Robert Downey, Jr. (Zodiac), Catherine Keener (Capote)

The Build-up: LA Times reporter Steve Lopez has been a victim of a selfish kind of love until he meets Nathaniel Ayers, a man with no home and a washed-out dream, and decides he's gonna make a change to this music prodigy's life.

The Blurt-out: When five minutes of celluloid are devoted to a Windows Media Player visualization, it's obvious the director has become self-indulgent.

The Jizt: The highest production values and most brilliant performances I've ever seen for a Sunday-morning charity infomercial.

What's wrong Nathaniel, It's just the littlest bit of Jizt.

MMM: I Got Your Friend Right Here!

I caught Funny People over the weekend. No surprise there, right? It was another winner by Apatow, but I'll save the specifics for my forthcoming review. Now I usually don't like to spoil surprises, but I kind of have to because Funny People inspired this Monday Mood Music selection.

It's also appropriate because James Taylor is, more or less, a Carolina boy - North Carolina REPRESENT! He's been cranking out music since the late 60's and I figured if Apatow thought enough of him to give him props in his film, a fellow Carolinian like myself should give him some props on my site.

Without further adieu, here's back-in-the-day JT, sans the reflective pate:

James Taylor - Fire and Rain

Is it just me, or wouldn't Christian Bale be absolutely perfect to play Sweet Baby James in a biopic? At the very least they could get Alessandro Nivola! Either way, none of those fellas are getting any younger so someone needs to jump on that.