Ode to Fish Wrap

State of Play

Release: 04.17.09
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 57 minutes

Full Price


Veteran Washington Globe reporter Cal McAffrey (Russell Crowe, The Insider) is dragging his feet on a drug-related homicide story when news of the suicide of Representative Stephen Collins's aide comes over the wire. Collins (Ben Affleck, Hollywoodland) and McAffrey are old college roommates, which cub reporter Della Frye (Rachel McAdams, Married Life) tries to exploit for her latest blog post. When McAffrey uncovers a link between his homicide and the aide's death, he and Frye begin investigating the larger corporate conspiracy surrounding the prominent Congressman.

Since Michael Clayton, it seems you can't throw a rock at a thriller without hitting a Tony Gilroy writing credit. Gilroy teams with Matthew Michael Carnahan (Lions for Lambs) and Billy Ray (Breach) to flush out the political conspiracy pedigree for this adaptation of Paul Abbott's British television series. Helmed by Kevin Macdonald (The Last King of Scotland), it's safe to say that State of Play isn't deficient in story execution. The only thing that kept my attention from being completely rapt by this nail biter is its cast.

I don't mean that in a bad way...mostly. In the plus category, State is chock full of 'that guy' goodness. Playing the homicide detective is Harry Lennix (Ray). Josh Mostel (Big Daddy), Michael Weston (Garden State) and Barry Shabaka Henley (Miami Vice) roam the Globe's bullpen. Brief appearances by Jeff Daniels (Traitor) and Helen Mirren (The Queen) are exceptional, but the scene stealer is Jason Bateman (Smokin' Aces). Bateman's making a career of playing characters that are sleazy or sophisticated, or in this case, both.

My main problem with State is the casting of Affleck. To his favor, he gives a solid performance and is believable as the young, hot shit on the Hill. My issue is that he, wife Anne (Robin Wright Penn (Moll Flanders), and McAffrey are supposedly old college buds. Really!? Last I checked, Crowe and Penn have nearly a decade on Affleck. Minute after minute, my mind scrambled for various scenarios that would make this timeline possible, but given the respective histories of the characters, nothing really fit. I'm glad Affleck is giving legitimacy another go, but if he has to play older at least give him some crow's feet or grey at the temples.

Dirty Undies
There's a lot of talk of dirty deeds done, but the only thing caught on film are a couple of dark alley shootings. Even the Congressman's sordid affair is given lip service when some sexy flashbacks of Affleck and Maria Thayer (Accepted) engaging in inappropriate acts would have been saucy. The nastiest State of Play gets is when McAffrey gets a boo-boo on his hand while being chased by a story.

The Money Shot
An underlying theme in State of Play is its obvious critique of the waning influence of reporting to revenue in the newspaper industry. Newspapers are heading the way of the buffalo, overrun by the callous bloggers gobbling up information without facts. Without this venerable animal, truth and justice could never be served, nor this tightly packed thriller solved.

FYC: Don't Get it Twisted!

Hey stargazers and fellow bloggers. It's time for a little shameless promoting to win me a LAMMY. That's a LAMMY, the blogging award bestowed by the LAMB, not to be confused with the Lamia, the demonic monster giving my girl Allison Lohman beef in the upcoming Drag Me to Hell.


But I digress. I want to be so inundated with LAMMYs that I gotta add a second sidebar solely to list all the winning banners. I even created this spanky little advert to help out the voters:



Blog buddy Fletch did point out that I totally forgot to list Best Theme as an eligible category. I guess my whorish tendencies are more of a lifestyle than a theme, but it's another category so add it to the list.

To help with your voting, I'd like to point you to a few specifics:

Best Running Feature: It has been recommended by many that my Trailer Trash - Gang Bang series be nominated. I would also suggest Who's That Lady? or even People I Want to Punch in the Face as other worthy features.

Best Review: I know it can be tough sifting through so many reviews. Here's a few for your consideration (These should also help with the Funniest Writer and Most Likely to Get Paid for Blogging categories):

Lakeview Terrace
Jumper
Doomsday

Best Random LAMB Banner: I've been tinkering with a new banner, but it has yet to be unveiled. The current banner won me this award last year. How about we make it a two-time winner?


Let me know what your faves are in the comments. Now those LAMBs who can vote, get out there and do so. I'd hate to sick the Lamia on you for not getting me my LAMMY!

MMM: We're Going Streaking!

I've been focusing on funny tunes for the Monday Mood Music selection these past two weeks, why not make it three? I was reminded of this group while watching the trailer for the strange, but funny looking summer flick, The Hangover. Hangover is about four men who do a bachelor party up big in Vegas only to wake up one member short without any memory of the night's events. It's no Old School, but it has potential.

I mention Old School since it was the last hilarious film I saw by Hangover's director Todd Phillips. Old School had everything going for it; including several great musical numbers. There's the choreographed gymnastics number, a cameo by Snoop Dogg, and who can forget Will Ferrell's touching rendition of Kansas's Dust in the Wind. However, the hands-down funniest musical number was the cover of Total Eclipse of the Heart by the Dan Band.

The Dan Band was formed by comedian Dan Finnerty. They're known for covering songs originally performed by female artists, enhancing the tunes with obscenities and whatnot. Thanks to Dan Finnerty and the Dan Band, I can no longer sit idle when Bonnie Tyler's hit plays. I immediately commence singing along at the top of my lungs. I yell the words so loudly in order to insert the required 'fucking' or 'shit' whenever necessary. Now knowing their version, it makes me wonder how the song ever became a hit without the cussing. Here, in its entirety for your listening enjoyment is:

The Dan Band - Total Eclipse of the Heart

The disturbed looks on the faces of the happy couple during Old School's reception scene is priceless. I can't wait to see what craziness the Dan Band pulls off in The Hangover.

Shock! Watch the Monkey Get Hurt

Crank: High Voltage

Release: 04.17.09
Rated R
1 hour, 36 minutes


Full Price




In 2006, audiences watched as Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) plummeted out of a helicopter thousands of feet above the ground. This poisoned bloke who had run amok on hours of borrowed time bounced off a car like a basketball, coming to an abrupt stop on the pavement. The insane adventures of Chelios had ended...and then he fucking blinked! Picking up from that moment, High Voltage scrapes the battered Chev off the streets because the Chinese mafia want to harvest his superman heart and other vital organs. With a plastic pump pinch-hitting for his strawberry tart (a.k.a. heart), Chelios revs up the mayhem in order to hunt down his stolen ticker before the battery dies and he along with it.

If you saw Crank and thought it was off the fucking chain, then there's no acceptable excuse for not seeing High Voltage yet. Maybe, just maybe, if you've had your heart stolen by crazed mobsters, Chelios might give you a pass. Otherwise, he could give a fuck less about your excuses, you wanker.

Writer-directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor not only bring back Chev Chelios for another tumble, but they also bring back the rest of the original cast, even some of the dead ones. Efran Ramirez (Napoleon Dynamite) returns, though now he portrays Venus, the twin out to avenge his brother Kaylo's death. High Voltage also introduces some new blood; there's Ria (Ling Bai, The Crow) who's Chinese-accented Engrish requires subtitles, and El Huron (Clifton Collins, Jr., Capote), who's straight out of a Robert Rodriguez wet dream. I almost forgot; High Voltage is also a must-see for anyone waiting for Ginger Spice to make her triumphant return to film.

Neveldine and Taylor really crank up the insanity in High Voltage (pun intended). Crank was an adrenaline-infused rush of madness that didn't always make the most logical sense. Where the first film was dialed up to eleven, the sequel has the dial damn near splintering as it bears down on fifteen! They maintain the same intensity and urgency using their same corn syrup and cocaine-influenced style. Even with the logical half of my brain shut down, High Voltage had my monkey brain screaming bullshit from time to time.

Dirty Undies
I've dreamed of doing steamy, nasty things to Amy Smart, allowing she'd give me the opportunity. Neveldine and Taylor are mind-readers cuz Chelios gets through at least a third of my naughty list. In a nightmarish twist, they have her dating a mulleted Corey Haim (Lost Boys)...shudder. If for some strange reason watching Amy Smart gyrate wearing only electrical tape and hot pink hot pants doesn't do it for you, High Voltage has more random tits and ass than a Girls Gone Wild DVD. They even toss in a gaggle of porn stars, Ron Jeremy included, just because they can. I swear there is a time when the directors flash up a pair of breasts just to segue from a bloody shootout to a brutal beatdown. Speaking of, for a man laid up three months in the hospital, Chelios fucks up some people's shit! Running, shooting, fighting and fucking, all with a battery-powered plastic heart; I'd hate to see Chelios operating at full power.

The Money Shot
Crank is that rare breed of gratuitous, absurd excess that works. With High Voltage, the crew hoped to once again capture lightning in a bottle. We all know lightning never strikes twice in the same place, but they left behind a second patch of scorched earth within the same block of the asylum.

It Burns So Good!

Observe and Report
Release: 04.10.09
Rated R
1 hour, 26 minutes

Matinee



Head of Forest Ridge Mall security, Ronnie Barnhardt (Seth Rogen, Pineapple Express) has it all: a devoted, trustworthy crew, the attention of the most beautiful woman in the mall, the wherewithal to become a police officer, and the delusions of grandeur to believe any of this is remotely true. With pressure mounting to catch a flasher and a thief, both of whom keep hitting the mall on his watch, Ronnie's life reaches a crossroads where his dreams and his bipolar disorder collide.

Ronnie's first obstacle is Detective Harrison (Ray Liotta, Slow Burn), the lead investigator in both the mall's cases. Harrison calms Ronnie's would-be lover, Brandy (Anna Faris, Just Friends), after her run-in with the flasher, leaving Ronnie to stew in the inadequacy of his station. Ronnie assists Harrison as he questions various mall employees, aggravating the detective during the process. Ronnie ascertains that the only way justice will be served is if he and his deputies focus on canvasing the mall for the pervert before he strikes again.

Surprisingly, Rogen proves he can portray someone other than Seth Rogen. As Ronnie, Rogen is always just left of normal. He's kinda douchey, but honest. The phrase 'that boy ain't right' springs to mind with frequency during O&R. Having played the streetwise cop many times before, Liotta's portrayal of Harrison is dead-on, sparing us the ham and cheese he sometimes serves. He's kinda douchey, too, but in a more dickish, adult way than Ronnie. Then there's Faris's Brandy; Queen Fuckin' Douche of the mall! Faris coats her usual ditsy persona with a layer of Grade 'A' bitch that makes a character that's to die for.

Writer-director Jody Hill (The Foot Fist Way) draws a surprising amount of humor out of wholly unlikable characters. His supporting cast delivers ten times over. As Ronnie's main deputy, Dennis, Michael Peña (Shooter) nails a goofy, high-pitched voice that would seem stupid if his delivery weren't so deadpan. Danny McBride (Tropic Thunder) has a hilarious cameo playing the shocking loud-mouth, big-balled dickhead he's does so well. My favorite character has to be Saddam (Aziz Ansari, TV: Parks and Recreation). Jody Hill could make a hit film based on the brief, but tear-inducing exchanges between he and Ronnie.

Dirty Undies
I'm putting all 2009 films on notice: Rogen and Faris deliver a scene that is the top contender for this year's Most Memorable Moment. Ronnie has a penchant for excessive force, making O&R more violent than I ever could have hoped. Jody Hill adds just the right dash of brutality into the blows dealt by and to Ronnie that it'll make you flinch. I thought the language, violence, nudity (i.e.jiggly man-flesh) and depravity of Observe and Report would be hard to top this year, but then I saw the jaw-dropping insanity that is Crank: High Voltage.

The Money Shot
Observe and Report relies on shock value to deliver the funny, and it works amazingly well. I worried that O&R was destined to repeat the uneven keel of The Foot Fist Way. It has the same type of delusional and disturbing characters, but it all fits very smoothly against the shopping mall backdrop. Maybe it's too soon to label it the Jody-verse, but Hill's cadre of the deluded are carving out their niche in the film world.

MMM: Cause My Knots Don't Fit!

I'm always in the mood for something funny. Last Monday's mood music selection reminded me of that fact. I've decided to keep the laughs coming. I've been told that if I were to watch this duo's HBO series in its entirety, I wouldn't be as impressed. Since I don't have HBO, I rely heavily on the internets and their CD to get my jollies from the show's cream.

Hailing from New Zealand, Jemaine Clement and Brent McKenzie, a.k.a. Flight of the Conchords are the comedic duo behind the series, Flight of the Conchords. The premise is fairly self-explanatory, but their wacky musical performances are the must-see moments.

One such musical number I caught last week at the in-laws. In the episode, the duo were short on cash and trying to decide which should become a prostitute to make ends meet. That explained, I now present to you:

Flight of the Conchords - Sugarlumps

I don't know which I enjoyed more; the backup dancers or the Lazy Susan. I wish their tour would swing through North Carolina. Jemaine and Brent should know that NC has some of the most beautiful girls in the whole wide room.

Who's That Lady? - It's Parker Posey!

Drumroll! Today marks the end of this week's Who's That Lady? extravaganza inspired by my recent Best in Show post. I reviewed the 2000 film as part of Film for the Soul's series, Counting Down the Zeroes. Ibetolis's ambitious project chronicles a decade's worth of cinema: the noughties.

As always, I must give credit to Blog Cabins's post Familiar Faces - Unknown Names, where Fletch catalogs the careers of That Guys. My series, Who's That Lady?, spins the gender, focusing on those That Gals we love to watch even if we don't always know them by name.

If you've seen Best in Show, you may have found yourself asking:

Who's That Lady?
Parker Posey

Parker Posey was born in Baltimore, Maryland but grew up in Laurel, Mississippi. One thing I've always found interesting, and I'm not sure why, is that her father owned a car dealership. After attending the State University of New York at Purchase, she went on to a role on the soap opera As the World Turns. Eventually Time magazine dubbed Ms. Posey the "Queen of the Indies" based on her extensive work in independent fillms. She's closing in on seventy film and television credits. Here are some of my personal favorites.

3 Unforgettable Roles
The House of Yes - Parker Posey portrays a young woman, 'Jackie-O' Pascal, who's obsessed with all things Jackie Kennedy! That may not sound so crazy, but add in her bizarre love for her brother and it doesn't get much more unbalanced. Strange as it is, Parker keeps you riveted to the screen.

Josie and the Pussycats - The film where I fell in love with Ms. Posey. As Fiona, the evil, corporate mastermind behind all the latest and greatest trends in music, she's dastardly and fragile and just plain goofy all wrapped up into one. A very underrated film, and one I'll be pulling off my shelf to enjoy for the umpteenth time.

The Oh in Ohio - We all know how I love Paul Rudd, but Parker Posey's Priscilla Chase is the show stopper here. She's never ever had an orgasm, not even by her hubbie. Then she discovers the joys of mechanical stimulation...I'll just leave the rest for you to see on your own.

Honorable Mentions: As Danica Talos in Blade:Trinity, Parker cranked up the bad-ass bitch factor to eleven! I particularly loved her expert stilletto use. Parker's Meg Swan is hilariously neurotic in Best in Show, her maniacal search for the Busy Bee is easily the best sequence. I was excited to see her star in her own sitcom, FOX's The Return of Jezebel James. I stuck by it for her, though the show came and went faster than a microwave burrito.


Saw it, but even I don't remember her in it!
I can't believe she had worked in over two dozen projects before I ever saw her! I don't know when she came up on your radar, but you may be surprised to see some of her projects.

Films: Coneheads, Dazed and Confused, Waiting for Guffman, Scream 3, You've Got Mail, The Eye, The Sweetest Thing, Superman Returns


Whether Parker Posey plays ditsy dames, crazy chicas, goofy girls, melancholy madames or a combination of all of the above, she never disappoints. You never have to worry if she'll bring it; if she's cast, it's already been broughten! If you want to know more about her career, be sure to check out her IMDB and Wikipedia pages.

She has no in-production credits currently, but her films Happy Tears and Spring Breakdown are slated to release in 2009.The latter has an amazing comedic cast, but with Rip Torn appearing in the former I doubt I'll pass up either film if it comes to my neck of the woods.