The Glamorous. The Flossy-flossy.

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
Release: 03/07/2008
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 32 minutes

Full Price ($$$$) <> Matinee ($$$)

Our story begins on the eve of World War II. After being discharged from her services as a governess, Miss Guinevere Pettigrew, portrayed by Frances McDormand (Friends with Money), finds herself once again at a London unemployment office. Pleading and desperate for work, she snatches the card of a potential employer. The card leads her to the flat of Delysia Lafosse, played by Amy Adams (Serving Sara). From the moment she arrives, Miss Pettigrew is sucked into the sordid social circle of the aspiring actress-singer. The hungry and penniless Pettigrew is swept into a glamorous world of delicacies and extravagance as fantasy and reality collide.

Frumpy. Dowdy. Haggard. Unkempt. All are excellent words to describe the initial impression of Miss Pettigrew. However, McDormand breathes a combination of determination, ingenuity and compassion that shines through the muck and the mire. Good thing for her because Amy Adams sparkles. Adams commands the screen as the easily panicked but outwardly cool Delysia. She’s a saucy minx who dangles her affections amid three gentleman callers who bear gifts of love, fortune, and celebrity. The three suitors don’t really matter; it’s the apparent contrasts between the women that fuel this engaging affair.

The scenes pop with the décor and fashion of the period. The story moves quickly thanks to the snappy dialogue and the actresses’ skills. Visually, the camera is sluggish in comparison to the sizzle of the surroundings; a shame given the fiery performances. I got the sense the director was trying to capture the simpler feel of films from that era, but since I know nothing about said films, I cannot say if he accomplished this goal.

Dirty Undies
Oooooohhh, so close! There’s a very, very nice bathtub scene that reminds me of the Birth of Venus painting. The scene reveals a lot of Adams’ curves and for the briefest of moments I thought we’d get a glimpse of those redwoods, but it was not to be. However, costar Tom Payne does give us an eyeful. The only other noteworthy moments are Adams’ randy conversations and sensual mannerisms.

Folks may recognize actress Shirley Henderson playing Delysia’s friend, Edythe. You may be more familiar with her as Moaning Myrtle in the Harry Potter series.

The Money Shot
Certainly not the best made or most clever film I have ever seen but one that’s worth watching on the merits of its stars. I do know that despite being predictable, it was a delight being along for the ride.

P.S. I am beginning to wonder if my medication is thinning out the manliness in me because this makes the third romantic comedy in as many months that I have enjoyed.

Repeat Bidness: The Number 23

Looking at this week's list of releases I noticed that both Jim Carrey and Rhona Mitra have films opening, Horton Hears a Who! and Doomsday, respectively. It dawned on me that a little over a year ago these two shared the big screen. So for those living the Netflix life, let's take a look at:


Release: 02/23/2007
DVD Release: 08/03/2007
Rated R
1 hour, 35 minutes

Matinee ($$$)


"It Doesn't Quite Add Up"


Jim Carrey (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) stars as Animal Control Officer Walter Sparrow who, thanks to a last-minute stray dog pick-up, is late to pick up his loving wife, Agatha, portrayed by Virginia Madsen (Candyman). His tardiness prompts Agatha to browse the neighboring shops and find a book, The Number 23, which she buys for Walter. He quickly becomes engrossed in the story of Detective Fingerling and his growing obsession with the number 23 after a brief encounter with a Suicide Blonde. But Fingerling’s fixation soon passes to Walter who feels the author is speaking directly to him. Agatha becomes worried for her husband whose behavior becomes increasingly erratic as he searches desperately for a deeper meaning within the book.

Aside from a few catty remarks, Jim Carrey is in rare, non-hijinks form. Instead of contorting his body into bizarre comical shapes, Carrey instead focuses on portraying Walter as your typical, mild-mannered husband. Walter evolves into a man gripped by fascination and struggling to separate himself from the eerie images the fiction instills within him. Carrey is also called upon to play the role of the surly, jealous Detective Fingerling as the movie steers the audience between Walter’s conscious mind and his uncontrollable recreations of the book’s gruesome events. Carrey does an excellent job at weaving these two characters together as Walter’s persona is infected with the growing paranoia instilled by the author’s details. Madsen holds her own by playing both the role of Walter's doting, concerned wife, and Fabrizia, Fingerling’s bed buddy and erotic thrill junkie.

Director Joel Schumacher (Falling Down) follows Walter’s scrutiny of the novel by interlacing key elements of the story into the larger story of the Sparrow family. These segues into the novel are high contrast scenes. Characters are darkly clad and their surroundings barren and shadowed. The cinematography has a hazy, dreamlike aura that emphasizes the imagined element. Strangely, as Walter uncovers the reality of the book’s hidden nature, the film takes on a more expository form. The final explanation feels like it takes forever, which detracts greatly from a film that would have otherwise completely piqued and thrilled audiences.

I don’t know if I should lay the blame on rookie screenwriter Fernley Phillips or Schumacher for adding several elements into the story that never quite fit smoothly. Just one example is NED, the nasty evil dog whose presence supposedly adds cohesion but instead unravels this tense tale of suspense.

Dirty Undies
The murky, smutty mystery moments provide a wealth of disturbing images. Suicide jumpers, slit throats, and repeatedly stabbed characters litter the screen. The buckets of pooled blood far outweigh the gratuitous sex appeal. Accusations of murder and adultery come tainted with vulgarity you haven’t heard uttered by Carrey in his usual family-friendly fare. Virginia Madsen, Rhona Mitra (Highwaymen), and Kate Mara (50 First Dates) all prance around in some not-quite-revealing lingerie. Carrey dishes out his own shirtless, manly swagger but given his gaunt physique, it isn’t nearly as appealing as the ladies.

The Money Shot
The Number 23 is an intriguing mystery that will keep audiences on the edge of their seats for the majority of the film. Its Achilles heel lies in the execution of its prestige; its lengthy bow wrapping leaves too much time for the detail-oriented viewers to punch holes the size of Mack trucks into a promising story. If you appreciate a good thriller and do not get too caught up in the details, Carrey’s latest film will add up to an enjoyable time.

"A Heist Gone Wrong...In All the Right Ways"

The Bank Job


Release: 03/07/2008
Rated R
1 hour, 50 minutes


Full Price ($$$$) <> Matinee ($$$)



I should let everyone know that I write this review having broken one of my cardinal rules. Over the years one thing I have adhered to before watching any film is that:

I never read any critic's review of a film before I see it and especially before I write about it (assuming I plan to see and write about it).

That said, I was forewarned by a fellow blogger that I would be disappointed with The Bank Job. I came close to reading his review, but abstained, grabbed the wifey and headed to the theater. When we came out, we were digging it and I couldn't help but think what about this bugged my blog buddy?! Hastening home to the PC, I broke my rule and read his review, then the review's comments, and then the review of another blog buddy with a similar position. I agree they both have some valid points, but now I must suffer the error of my ways. All these opinions have caused me to think way too much for way too long about Bank Job, a film not completely deserving of the attention. Here's my attempt to salvage what is left of my initial opinion.

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Based on true events in 1971, Bank Job follows David Statham (The Italian Job) as Terry Leather, a London car dealer with loan-shark debts. One day his mate Martine Love, played by Saffron Burrows (Enigma), a right fine bird with bedroom eyes, gives him the scoop on a bank ripe to be robbed. Even though he and his shady buds aren't quite proper villains, Terry believes they can pull this off without a hitch. What Terry doesn't know is that Martine is being used by a government spook to retrieve compromising photos of a prominent royal figure from the vault.

Numerous con/heist movies, including Heist, Snatch, Confidence, and Ocean's Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen are full of clever twists, turns, and the unanticipated missing piece that makes audiences tee-hee with glee once unveiled. The Bank Job is fairly lacking in these tumultuous, chest-thumping and mind-bottling moments. Instead, the film focuses on the rather serious task of robbing a bank with a few basic tools and without a lot of flash and attention. This lack of spectacle and uber-smooth safecrackers strengthened the 'true events' side of the tale. Obviously, the British government's D-notice (a news media hush-hush), a sealed secret file on Michael X (the photographs' purported owner), and a lack of verification from the heist's culprits makes it hard to discern the truthiness of these events. For all intent and purposes, the lack of bedazzlement gave this film a bit of grit and edge lacking in more polished heist films.

One problem with the film is a subplot involving secret agent Gale Benson, played by Hattie Morahan, as she tries to delve into the sordid world of drugs and prostitution surrounding black radical Michael X, played by Peter De Jersey. One assumes it serves the purpose of establishing the evil of Michael X and giving further historical accuracy. Unfortunately, it takes away from the details of the post-heist complications because it doesn't really progress the major plot, i.e. the bank job. The other issue I had with the film is that it features rather poorly chosen music. Sometimes, the music builds tension at inappropriate moments and is generally forgettable.

Dirty Undies
I knew there would be nudity in this; I just didn't realize it'd be out on Front Street within the first minute of the film! The film features a few clips of completely nude women, save one. I was disappointed that Saffron Burrows, for all her purported promiscuity, manages little more than passionate kisses. The plot would have been much better served by showing Saffron's sexcapades instead of the Government Gale tale. The post-heist scenes are brutal due to some mildly graphic torture. Statham gets the chance to bring his patented fighting skills to the table...I gotta tell you that cranium of his could pulverize walnuts!

The Money Shot
I enjoy a spectacular heist film as much as the next person (my DVD collection proves that). I also enjoy a dramatic film that keeps my attention without resorting to the usual sparkly bag of tricks. I'm not saying this is a must-see event, but its worth putting your own two cents.

-By the by, did anyone else think the vault attendant looked more than a tad familiar? I can't get no satisfaction until his celebrity identity is discovered!

Huh, huh, you said "Poll"

Hey Stargazers! I thought this comment from my March Gang Bang warranted a more thorough response:

Anonymous said...

"I'm really starting to wonder about your taste in women. You must love that Carly chick on Idol. BTW, when are you gonna give us another poll?"

In regards to Carly "Magically Delicious" Smithson from the Idol, I think she is very talented and cute enough, but if she keeps wearing those funkdafied pants with the waist up to her teets she can kiss her flat arse goodbye.

To address my taste in women and my lack of a new poll, how about I combine the two? The poll to the right lists five of the many, many female candidates in the running for my Spank Bank column. Over the next week, I want you to select which special lady deserves the honor of a Spank Bank profile. If you think you know my tastes all too well, I will also accept write-in suggestions from the comments section of this post.

So there you have it "Anonymous." Happy now?!

Trailer Trash: The March Gang Bang

It's time to get yourselves lubed up and get in line. I have taken in as many March trailers as I could handle. This month was far more enjoyable than February's onslaught, but I'm tingling with excitement because we are that much closer to May.

As before, my commentary on limited release films is sparse since we don't get that many in my neck of the woods. If one of the films I abstained from interests you, let me know and I'll let them join in. Now, let's see which movies are ready to ride.

Moist with Antici...pation!
The Bank Job (03/07) It’s been a minute since we’ve had an intriguing heist film and this based-on-true-events tale whets the appetite. I’m not expecting Statham to repeat a Snatch or Lock, Stock… type affair, but I think it’ll deliver on the violence, comedy and plot twists.

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day (03/07 ltd.) Dowdy McDormand is at it again! For a change Amy Adams gets to play a sultry minx instead of her usual goody two shoes. Let’s give it up to two great actresses in what is sure to be a hoot and a holler! (I can’t believe I just said that.)


Married Life (03/07 ltd.) Everything about this movie looks awesome, except for Rachel McAdams’s platinum blonde dye job. But hey, at least she’s back onscreen and she’s sharing it with some big guns. This sordid tale of forbidden love and necessary murder should help bring the passion back into marriage.

Doomsday (03/14) Neil Marshall created one of my newly favorite horror films, Descent. Now he’s gone and created a revamped and super-amped Road Warrior-style film for us to devour. The little-sexy-engine-that-never-quite-could, a.k.a. Rhona Mitra, gets to be in the driver’s seat. I may need to stay seated a little while longer...

Drillbit Taylor (03/21) This one has been a long time coming. We won’t speak of why it was shelved. We’ll only revel in Owen Wilson’s return, his pairing with the hot and funny Leslie Mann, and enjoy how he plays off these crazy goofy kids.

21 (03/28) This movie looks too cool for school and it may just be too cool for my hard earned cash, but with Kate Bosworth looking so cute that I didn’t recognize her usually anemic frame, I am intrigued. Plus, I always enjoy Spacey’s dickish characters and this one promises not to disappoint.

It's Friday, I don't want to be alone.
Snow Angels (03/07 ltd.) David Gordon Green, NC School of the Arts alum, brings us his latest tale. North Carolina Represent! Looks like yummy Kate Beckinsale and smooth Sam Rockwell are acting all growed up for a change. My only hesitation is that Green’s lingering camera work makes my ass feel like I’ve been sitting in the theater for days.

Horton Hears a Who! (03/14) Could it be possible that after several less-than-stellar live-action Dr. Seuss films, someone got the novel idea of making an animated Who film?! Sometimes it takes a roomful of geniuses, or a story with a big honkin’ elephant. The teaser got me stoked, but the official trailer drained the excitement from my being. Let’s hope for the best, all together now…Fah who for-aze! Dah who dor-aze!

Funny Games U.S. (03/14) A whole line of family torture movies is heading down the pipeline and this one has risen to the top. This is being remade by its creator Michael Haneke and while that is promising, I am much more excited to see Liv Tyler’s The Strangers this May (I hope).

Stop Loss (03/28) This flick is from the mind of Boy’s Don’t Cry creator Kimberly Peirce, and that’s the only thing keeping this on my radar. Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish do good work and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a personal fave, but movies tinged with Iraq just don’t sit well anymore. I’m curious though; if they were looking for bad Southern accents, where was James Van Der Beek during casting call?

Flawless (03/28) I said I was looking for a good heist film and I still think The Bank Job is our best bet. I can totally see what draws Ashton to Demi, but I can’t figure how her accent drew her into this role. If this has a prayer of success it will come from Caine’s captivating charm.

Exercise the right to Cinematic Celibacy.
College Road Trip (03/07) I gotta give props to Raven-Symone for managing to stay clean, given Disney’s track record for child stars (read: Lindsay, Britney). I’d normally support this endeavor but she had to go and make Martin Lawrence her pops.

10,000 B.C. (03/07) I won’t let nifty-looking mastodons and saber-toothed tigers sway my position on this. The Neanderthals look too damn pretty (though Camilla Belle in animal skin piques my interest); it’s like Project Runway: The Prehistoric Edition. Need I remind you the last Emmerich movie with CG prehistoric monsters was Godzilla?! Do we really want to go there again?

Meet the Browns (03/21) I am all for supporting uplifting black cinema instead of the latest Martin Lawrence-Queen Latifah-Ice Cube shuck and jive, but damn, enough is enough. Much to my chagrin, I have seen every Tyler “Tired Plot” Perry production to date and it’s time I just say no. Angela Bassett is a great actress, but I can’t suffer through another onslaught of clichés and stereotypes. Perry needs to don his Madea façade and figure a way to whup his own ass for his foolishness.

Run, Fatboy, Run (03/28) Simon Pegg – yeah! Hank Azaria – hells yeah! Thandie Newton – mmm, at least she’s cute. Despite those three, this trailer leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t think this movie knows what it is, but I know whose money it’s not going to get. The title reads more as a warning to me; run, Fatboy, run away from this!

Superhero Movie (03/28) There was a time when The Naked Gun meant something. Now they’re just dragging Leslie Nielsen down with them. Granted, the official trailer looks far better than the TV spots but that’s not saying much. When will the madness end?!

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The five limited release films left by the wayside this month are:

CJ7 (03/07 ltd.); Paranoid Park (03/07 ltd.); Sleepwalking (03/14 ltd.); La misma luna (Under the Same Moon) (03/21 ltd.); and The Hammer (03/28 ltd.)

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One final note: given there are two films offering sexy, savage women, I'd like to leave you with one more reason why 10,000 B.C. doesn't hold a candle to Doomsday as my March must-see event:


I mean, after you've endured the gang bang , you kinda got a yearning for tattoos and fire-play.

In Memorium: Gary Gygax 1938-2008

Gary Gygax, co-creator of the Dungeons & Dragons role playing game died Tuesday, March 4, 2008. This man was responsible for my lack of focus and direction from middle school onward, thanks to the countless hours of enjoyment I derived from fantasy books and gaming campaigns inspired by his work. The geek in me sheds a tear for Mr. Gygax, and all of my characters his rules helped kill.

My condolences to his family.

Articles:
Dungeons & Dragons Co-Creator Dies at 69 (by Emily Fredrix, Associated Press Writer)

Gary Gygax, 'Father of D&D,' Dies at 69 (by Lore Sjoberg)

Tributes:
Giants in the Playground: Order of the Stick #536

Penny Arcade

Idol Chatter

It's good to be back. I was absent from the ether nearly all of last week because I was down with the sickness. Picking up a cold (or whatever it was) on top of my usual woes did not make for a fun week. This week, however, I am recovered and the fun is just beginning.

Except for one thorn in my side. Contrary to popular opinion, I do find time for the tele between movie outings. I enjoy a healthy number of shows but there is one show that I could do without if it were not for my wife's addicition. That show is The Idol. For the last three years my wife says she's going to give it up, yet inevitably I am stuck suffering on the couch beside her. I wouldn't watch, but my wife loves my running commentary and affectionate nicknames for the contestants, and values my opinion of who will stay and go from week to week. I stay because my being yearns for constant visual stimuli, and with only a single boob-tube in the house (and in the same room as our PC), The Idol is unavoidable.

So here's my beef with Season 7. The top 12 guys, with the exception of David Cook, are the most androgynous group of guys I've ever seen! If it weren't for the fact that they were singing in the male half of the competition, I'd swear I was watching the women perform. This leads me to my point. Am I the only person out there who thinks Danny Noriega and Jessica Alba were separated at birth? Okay, maybe I exaggerate seeing as how she's eight years older than him, but seriously, couldn't Danny be Jessica's long-lost little sister?


Yeah, yeah, Alba fanatics will be outraged. Danny’s fans probably aren't too happy with me either. All I'm saying is if the boy slid into a dress (which I'm positive he's done before) and did a photo shoot, I wonder how many fellas out there would be slapping the ham to his pictures long before they realize the difference?!

Disagree? Suffer with me during The Idol tonight and look at Danny with newly opened eyes.