Et tu, Cheadle?

Traitor

Release: 08.27.2008
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 54 minutes

Second-Run Seats ($$)


When Samir Horn (Don Cheadle, Crash) was a young boy, he witnessed his Sudanese father die in a car bombing. He then grew up with his mother in Chicago and worked for the U.S. Special Forces before leaving the military after his tour in the Persian Gulf. After being picked up in Yemen for selling explosives to terrorists, Horn is interrogated by FBI agents Roy Clayton (Guy Pearce, L.A. Confidential) and Max Archer (Neal McDonough, The Hitcher) about his terrorist ties. While in prison, Horn befriends a fellow Muslim, Omar (Said Taghmaoui, Vantage Point), who offers him a life filled with devout purpose by fighting the American agressors.

Like Agent Clayton, I had a feeling. He felt Samir Horn was more than he appeared. Based on the trailer, I felt Traitor would be full of twists and turns. Clayton was right; I was wrong. tells it straight and doesn't cut any corners, not a single one. Written by Steve Martin (TraitorShopgirl) and Jeffrey Nachmanoff (The Day After Tomorrow), who also directed, Traitor thoroughly explores the motivations of a devout Muslim and the propoganda that is used to enlist him into the terrorist cause. Audiences watch Horn deal explosives, practice Islam and battle his conscience, crafting a rich, relatable character.

Thanks to Cheadle's performance, my attention was rapt, waiting for the simmering terrorist plot to boil over. Somehow it never really did. Sure, Cheadle got to kick butt and Pearce got to sling some Southern swagger. Jeff Daniels (Blood Work) even put down his sandwich long enough to film four scenes, but by the time the crescendo came, I had long since tapped out. Despite an interesting premise, the methodical structure wrings the umph from the film. I walked out thinking this was the longest two and a half hours of my life. To my surprise, I had been held captive less than two hours.

Dirty Undies
I'll say it again: Cheadle does lay down a few serious ass-whuppins. He also gets the living hell beat out of him and gets to blow shit up a few times. The nerve-wracking conspiracies may make you think twice about that foreign barista next time you visit the Starfucks. If you are a paranoid-profiler type, maybe you should sit this one out.

The Money Shot
You really can't go wrong with a film starring the excellent Don Cheadle. You can go wrong if you go looking for anything beyond Cheadle's performance. Essentially, the string of solid performances, from Cheadle to Pearce to Taghmoui, gets smothered by the film itself. Traitor not only betrays its actors, it betrays us all.

Huh, huh, you said "Poll" (08.27.08)

Your voices have been heard! Wait, don't remember what you were shouting about?

Well stargazers, with all the hub-bub surrounding The Dark Knight I wanted to know which of the Bat minions deserved their own film?

Here's what you decided:

Jason Todd - Robin: 0 votes
Tim Drake - Robin: 0 votes
No surprise here, decades after his introduction Jason Todd is still loathed by the masses. I'm shocked Tim gets no love. Obviously no fans of the Teen Titans cartoon voted.

Dick Grayson - Robin: 1 vote
I have to wonder; are the red, green and yellow tights really a turn off?! Must be, because the combined total for all three Robins amounts to 1 whopping vote. At least the vote went to the original Boy Wonder.

Dick Grayson - Nightwing: 2 votes
Barbara Gordon - Batgirl: 2 votes
Cassandra Cain - Batgirl: 2 votes
The adult Robin seems to sit more favorably with the crowd, or maybe just the idea of an extremely buff crime-fighting man in package-enhancing leggings does the trick. Likewise, the Batgirls tie with Nightwing for second place. Having to choose between a super-intelligent, super-hot redhead or a smokin' Asian woman with mad fighting skills, both in form-fitting leather would be tough.

Herein lies my favorite, Cassandra Cain as Batgirl. I believe her assassin upbringing, pursuit of crime fighting and desire to live a normal life makes for the most easily adaptable story. Her mentor is primarily Barbara Gordon and to a lesser extent Batman, meaning we can still have the hot redhead but avoid making the film all about the Big Bat. Plus, I'd love to see Zhang Ziyi, Vicky Zhao or Iwa Moto poured into black leather, beating down any and every baddy she meets. Who wouldn't?!

(I say again, who wouldnt'!)

None, Batman don't need no help!: 3 votes
Unbelievable! You have spoken and the resounding word is keep the Batman movies coming, but please, for the love of all that is holy, stop the god-dambed spin-offs! As long as they continue to make compelling Batman films, let's not mess it up. You have nothing to worry about stargazers. Warner Brothers develops superhero films about as fast as a mountain moves.

The New Poll
Late August through October is normally the time of year when we're knee deep in cheap horror thrills to hype the Halloween season. I was perusing IMDB's coming attractions and noticed, with the exception of Quarantine and Saw V, this year's horror pickings are slim. Since we have nothing accurately labeled as horror, I want to know which of these September-October releases scares the Bejesus out of you?

(How does Trick 'r Treat go straight to DVD? Thanks Warner Brothers!)

Bangkok Dangerous: Nicolas Cage and someone's hair in Bangkok with a gun.
The Family That Preys: The latest, but probably not greatest, Tyler Perry film.
My Best Friend's Girl: Kate Hudson with love interest Jason Biggs?!?
Eagle Eye: Wannabe Saw premise wrapped around a gooey Shia LeBeouf center.
Nights in Rodanthe: With Sparks's help, can Diane Lane make this her third flop in '08?
Beverly Hills Chihuahua: CGI chihuahuas; I think Center Seat said it best.


Now, go vote! The poll will be up until September 5, when the first of these frightening offerings releases.

(Creepy!)

A Quickie: Son of Rambow

Son of Rambow
Release: 05.02.08
DVD Release: 08.26.08
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 36 minutes

Matinee ($$$) <
> Second-Run Seats ($$)

When the teacher rolls in the cart with the telly, that's the cue for Will Proudfoot (Bill Milner) to move out to the hall and wait until the educational video finishes. His religion's rules forbid television, but ironically, they give him the opportunity to meet delinquent Lee Carter (Will Poulter). Lee Carter is a mischeivous little shit who is constantly bucking the system and swindling everyone he meets. Lee Carter tricks Will into literally chauffering him home. It is there Will is exposed to his first film while hiding from Lee Carter's older brother (Ed Westwick, Children of Men). Will watches the climactic battle sequences of First Blood, and the creativity the bootleg sparks soon drowns his devout commitment.

Lee Carter enlists Will as the stuntman for his submission into an amateur film contest. The one stipulation: that Will be the son of Rambow! I grew up in the country and remember as a child that every rusted-out car and dilapidated barn was a source of fun limited only by my imagination. In much the same respect, Will and Lee Carter's total disregard for personal safety or their physical limitations is perfect. As Will is catapulted and launched for the good of the film, you watch as the friendship between the two grows. Audiences witness how the newfound popularity the boys find at school, especially from suave French exchange student Didier Revol (Jules Sitruk), and the family tension it causes for Will whittles away at their fast friendship.

Milner and Poulter's performances, while not stellar, were fun to watch. Will's drawings and imaginations are animated over the landscapes where the kids frolic, thanks to the vision of writer-director Garth Jennings (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy). It was easily discernible that the film's creator most likely thought in much the same way as Will in his formative years. The supporting performances were amusing, especially that of Sitruk, who slowly and deliberately creeps into the lead role of the boys' project.

Honestly, even though I watched this back in May, it feels as if it was the early eighties. The wacky situations the two get themselves into left the most lasting impression, but I vaguely recall the more serious repercussions of their friendship (Will's religion and Lee Carter's overbearing brother) stumbling the momentum of Son of Rambow. It's definitely worth the watch, especially now that you can do so for the price of a rental.

Jesus Christ. A Time Machine. Hamlet. Tucson.

Hamlet 2
Release: 08.22.08 (limited); 08.27.08 (wide)
Rated R
1 hour, 32 minutes

Full Price ($$$$)


If you'd asked me last year what those four things had in common, I would've said, not a damn thing. But now, it's a simple answer: Hamlet 2.

Teacher Dana Marschz (Steve Coogan, Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story), in order to save his high school drama program from the chopping block (and simultaneously prove his worth as a thespian and human being) crafts a sequel to a Shakespearean classic. The result, Hamlet 2, resurrects the entire cast through a plot device, Jesus Christ in a time machine. Let the fun and heresy begin.

Marschz (pronounced Marshesz...maybe) lives the age old adage, those who can't, teach. After accepting defeat as an actor, he resides in the armpit of America, Tucson, with his wife Brie (Cathering Keener, 40 Year-Old Virgin) and their housemate Gary (David Arquette, Scream). As the struggling teacher and husband, Coogan is absolutely brilliant. He aspires to inspire young minds with theater in the vein of Stand and Deliver or Dangerous Minds, yet he can't inspire his own seed to find perch within Brie's womb. The conception of his play changes everything. Once invisible to others, he soon becomes despised for simultaneously ruining a classic, taking the Lord's name in vain and defiling America. As the few strands of his self-worth slip from his grasp, Marschz's students must rally together to refocus him on making opening night a success.

Besides solid performances from Keener and the mostly silent Arquette, students Rand (Skylar Astin), Epiphany (Phoebe Strole), Octavio (Joseph Julian Soria) and Ivonne (Melonie Diaz, Be Kind Rewind) provide a tons of hilarity with their quirky characters. Amy Poehler (Baby Mama) also appears as balls-to-the-wall attorney Cricket Feldstein who comes to defend the play from litigation.

Writer Pam Brady (Hot Rod) and director Andrew Fleming (The Craft), with contributions by Steve Coogan, penned a script that steadily builds from mild chuckles to a cacophony of laughter. When I saw a sneak preview, there were times when the clever dialogue was lost to the audience's guffaws.

Dirty Undies
Coogan's Jesus does, in fact, make me wanna sing Rock Me Sexy Jesus. If you don't have love for sexy Jesus, there's always the cute Melonie Diaz and, let us not forget, everyone's favorite babysitter, Elisabeth Shue (The Saint), who appears as herself, in all her yummy goodness. If you've found the crude commentary of South Park offensive over the years, some of the dialogue from Hamlet 2, is not for you.

The Money Shot
Some may remember that in my Summer of LAMB prediction, I made the pronouncement that either Son of Rambow or Hamlet 2 would be this year's Little Miss Sunshine. I'm now satisfied that I was at least half right Hamlet 2 will be this summer's breakout success. Help make my prediction a reality. If you don't, I'll feel as if I have been raped in the face.

Ain't No Party Like an Anna Faris Party!

The House Bunny
Release: 08.22.08
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 37 minutes

Full Price ($$$$) < > Matinee ($$$)


Shelley (Anna Faris, Just Friends) lives the glamorous life at the Playboy Mansion with Hef and the girls, but it wasn't always that way. Shelley grew up in an orphanage and longed for the days when she could be part of a family. Life couldn't be better until her Bunny family boots her out on her surgically perfected buttocks. Her luck changes when Zeta House, a sorority at the local college, finds itself in danger of losing its charter because of low membership. The less than popular loners, led by Natalie (Emma Stone, Superbad), are in dire need of fresh ideas. Shelley steps in as their housemother and makes the sisters step up their game.

Confession time: I have been dying to see this film since the first trailer. I laughed heartily every time I saw the manhole scene. You know the one I'm talking about:


Why? Because Anna Faris is awesome! I had lofty expectations that she, with her great comedic timing, would be able to carry even the most simplified of premises, but how simple was it? The House Bunny is a Happy Madison production that follows a predictable outline, relying on the actors to make or break the movie. Great examples of this include Grandma's Boy, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and, I can now happily add, The House Bunny. These films, despite signaling their outcome during the opening credits, are slightly off-color yet endearing enough that you can't help but smile.

I not only smiled, but laughed steadily. I never fell out of my seat clutching my sides, but I never found myself squirming during awkwardly played scenes like in the other August comedies Step Brothers, Pineapple Express and Tropic Thunder. Faris commits to the well-intentioned airhead with gusto. Emma Stone, with her husky Kathleen Turner voice, totally sells being an überdork.

Faris was friggin' funny! Stone was friggin funny! Rumer Willis (Hostage)? Funny! Dana Goodman (You Don't Mess With the Zohan)? Creepy and funny! Kiely Williams (The Cheetah Girls). Brief but funny. Kat Dennings (40 Year-Old Virgin)? Friggin' funny. Katherine McPhee? Surprisingly funny! Kimberly Makkouk. Briefest but funny.

The film features minor roles for 'That Guy' and 'That Gal' Christopher McDonald (Happy Gilmore) and Beverly D'Angelo (Vacation) and you'll catch a few Happy Madison regulars in cameos, too. I was surpised to see Natalie's love interest played by All-American Rejects frontman Tyson Ritter, or Bizarro Tom Welling, as I like to call him. Hugh Hefner mangled a couple of his scenes, but the man's pounded more vag than I can fathom, so I got nothing but love for him. Point is despite the deep and varied cast, everyone contributes scenes that keep the pace peppy.

Dirty Undies
The ladies may not have looked like much in the photo above, but dayum, they clean up nice:

Anna Faris is friggin' hot! Emma Stone is friggin' hot! Kat Dennings is luscious-lips friggin hot! Katherine McPhee is fake-baby-belly friggin' hot! Um, you get the point. Even better, Faris fans get a glimpse of derriere, thanks to some body double complications. We also get to hear Faris shout random obscenities, which always help liven up a PG-13 affair.

The Money Shot
I saw this by my lonesome and folks asked me where the wifey was for this chick flick. I wouldn't call it a chick flick; nor does the premise draw the male demographic. It straddles the line by giving both genders something to enjoy. I wanted to give The House Bunny an out-and-out Full Price, but I had to be honest with myself. Some of the acting is bad, the plot is thin and the resolution is slapped together with a quickness. But Anna Faris got her chance to shine and she made me laugh doing it, so does all that other stuff matter?

Expect Tropic Thunder with Scattered Bursts of Laughter

Tropic Thunder
Release: 08.13.08
Rated R
1 hour, 47 minutes

Matinee ($$$) <
> Full Price ($$$$)


People say that The Dark Knight was a barrage of advertising for the better part of the last two years. I agree, I saw more than my share of brooding trailers prior to its release. Why aren't people chastising Tropic Thunder for the same excessive marketing? After seeing it, I debated long and hard what sort of impact the trailers had on my opinion. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

If you somehow missed the trailers, the produced, written and directed by Ben Stiller Tropic Thunder stars Robert Downey, Jr (Natural Born Killers), Jack Black (Envy) and Ben Stiller (Zoolander) as three prima donna actors filming a Vietnam war epic based on the amazing true story of vet Four Leaf Tayback (Nick Nolte, U Turn). When first-time helmer Damien Cockburn (Steve Coogan, Hamlet 2) sees his film slipping away, he takes Tayback's advice to dump the cast into the real jungle, and consequently, harm's way, when they are mistaken for D.E.A. agents by the local drug cartel.

After the one-millionth trailer, the cast's special appearances on shows such as The Idol and all the foundless controversary drummed up by the media, I should have been sufficiently brainwashed to embrace Tropic Thunder. My favorite line in the trailers and the film was delivered by Downey's Kirk Lazarus; "Man, just cuz it's a theme song don't make it not true." Hilarious. But is it okay to laugh at Downey in blackface? Some folks who took issue with that were just retarded...or was being retarded the controversy? Stiller's Tugg Speedman character goes all Corky in a movie role and the backlash in both the content of Tropic Thunder and in our media creates more controversy.

I'd like to start my own controversy about Tropic Thunder: where are the women?! Two early August comedies, Step Brothers and Pineapple Express, dropped the ball on providing some much needed estrogen, but at least they had women in their stories. The only women I remember in Tropic Thunder are a verbal reference to Jamie Lee Curtis and a cameo by Christine Taylor. Honestly, who did Christine have to blow to get that role...oh yeah, nevermind. I love Bill Hader, but couldn't he have skipped being in one comedy this year to throw Kristen Wiig a bone? Heck, I would have settled for a "Me so horny. Me love you long time." stereotype if it meant there was some feminity in the depths of the jungle.

Maybe the vaginal absence is part of the brilliant satire of Tropic Thunder; women are so underwritten in films, Stiller & Co. wrote them as nonexistent. I did enjoy the satirical spin on characters like the studio head played hilariously by Tom Cruise (Magnolia). It was ingenious that the lead black actor is portrayed by Downey's hot-head Australian Oscar favorite instead of a credible and accomplished African-American actor. Even Jack Black's drug-addled sad funnyman had moments that were surprisingly funny. Brandon T. Jackson (Roll Bounce), the rapper-turned-actor with his shrewd product placement and Jay Baruchel (Knocked Up) as the fledgling actor living his dream were also well-placed satire, though both needed more screentime while Stiller could have used a great deal less.

Dirty Undies
Tropic Thunder is a cacophany of foul language, blank firing machine guns and ejaculatory pyrotechnics by Cody (Danny R. McBride, Pineapple Express). There are geysers of corn syrup blood and then there's the CGI blood that looks more goofy than gross.

The Money Shot
Tropic Thunder started with an uproarious hootnanny but quickly slipped into unfunny stints and this pattern cycled throughout the film's length. The establishing shots and the classic rock soundtrack set the war epic vibe perfectly. Performances by Downey, Cruise and McConaughey (Frailty) leave the most lasting impressions. Having not seen two of those three stars in the trailers, the trailer ultra-hype killed stunted the hilarity and shock value of Tropic Thunder.

I've noticed a disturbing trend in August; the comedies are becoming marginally improved with each week's releases. At this rate I forecast Rainn Wilson's The Rocker and Anna Faris's House Bunny to be worthy of full price admission, and the release of Disaster Movie and College on the 29th will most likely blow our fucking minds! Then again, maybe not.

One Year Ago Today...

In the immortal words of Tony Toni Tone, "do you know what today is...It's Our Anniversary!" Well, technically, it could be called our birthday. One year ago today, the Reel Whore site had its cherry popped with its very first post. I want to thank all of the visitors who have discovered my little corner of the interweb and double thanks to those who have come time and again. In honor of this special day, I decided to pay tribute to my famous cohorts who share this special day.

Happy 50th, Angela Bassett!

(Like a fine wine, you are)

Happy 23rd, Agnes Bruckner!
(23 will be your year)

Happy 54th, James Cameron!
(We're excited about this one)

Happy 46th, Steve Carell!

(Extreme Awesometicity follows)

Happy 28th, Vanessa Carlton!

(Why is she not rocking the huge venues!?)

Happy 78th, Robert Culp!
(Fingers crossed for the Greatest American Hero movie)

Happy 62nd, Lesley Ann Warren!
(Good to see you working again)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US ALL!