Thursday, November 15, 2007

Spank Bank: The Grand Opening

I’ve been toying with the notion of adding this feature, and given this week’s news, decided to start now. This new (occasional) addition for the Reel Whore is intended to help you see some of my favorite actors and actresses through my tinted lens. Let's put those hands together for my first deposit:

The People’s Sexiest Man Alive

The man once best known as the heterosexual lifemate to Ben Affleck is now being touted as a bankable Hollywood commodity, but some of us recognized his value before 2007. I can’t attest to having seen every inch of reel emblazoned with his image, but of his forty IMDB listed TV and film projects released to date, I can claim to have consumed two dozen of them. Join me as I walk down memory lane.

The First Time My Eyes Met:Good Will Hunting” (I’d say it was “Mystic Pizza”, but I’d have to admit to watching that film, and I don’t know if I’m ready to take that step. I've said too much already.)

He had me at ‘Hello’: As Loki in “Dogma” Damon projected a healthy mix of blasphemy, brutality, and hilarity. I knew the boy was destined for greatness.

“Whose house? Run's house! I said, whose house? Run's house!”

Sexiest Movie Moment: The cougar hunt in "Ocean’s Thirteen." The nose plays.

Let’s Never Speak of This Again:The Brothers Grimm” Neither Damon and all his charms, nor the Damon-Belluci combo was sufficient to make me see this again.

It Brings a Smile to My Face: His cameo as Donny in “Eurotrip.” Totally unexpected, yet surprisingly sexy. After all what Scotty doesn't know!

My Biggest Regret: Having still not seen Damon opposite Ed Norton in "Rounders." I need a good rainy day to stretch out with this one.

His Winning Feature: There’s that big grin, his genuine happy nature, and nice bod…let’s just say I like the cut of his jib.

If I could walk in her shoes: I’d take the place of Franka Potente in “Bourne Identity.” Just the thought of Damon showing up to ride my scooter…

Most Anticipated Upcoming Project: The upcoming Clint Eastwood project “The Human Factor.” The pairing of these great men will be a sight to behold.

My Dream of Working with Big D: I can see it now, the two of us seated at a huge oak desk pouring over line after line of dialogue of our latest soon-to-be-award-winning screenplay. We joke, we laugh, but the spark never ignites because Affleck’s constant dick ridin’ kills the mood.

(For the “Boondocks”-impaired, dick ridin’ refers to one person doing some hardcore sucking up to another)

I think it’s time we leave Damon to bask in his Sexiest Man Alive title now. He’s come a long way…

A long way indeed.

Large Association of Movie Blogs


  1. This was wrong and right on so many levels. I like it.

    Never saw "School Ties," though? He plays the bad guy - it's great!

  2. I need to add School Ties to my ever growing list! Maybe I can have a Damon-filled weekend sometime and catch up on alot of his stuff.