A Quickie: The Crazies

The Crazies


Release: 02.26.10
DVD Release: 06.29.10
Rated R
1 hour, 41 minutes


Group Rental

It's another sunny, peaceful day in the tiny Iowa town of Ogden Marsh. The townsfolk have all gathered for the big baseball game. All's fine and dandy until Rory, acting peculiar, pulls his shotgun on Sheriff David Dutton (Timothy Olyphant, A Perfect Getaway) in the outfield and has to be put down. Thinking he'd simply fallen off the wagon, Dutton dismisses the strange event until other folk start acting crazy. As Dutton begins to connect the dots, masked soldiers attempt to corral the entire town for decontamination processing.

Timothy Olyphant has a mild Eastwood-esque swagger that I enjoy more with every role, so I expected to be pleased by his turn as a small town sheriff. He did not disappoint, but boy, did everything else suck! Let's back up; the way the military swooped into town in the dead of night to contain this deadly contagion was executed with precision and cranked the film's tension to eleven. The Marsh'uns were at the mercy of this highly skilled unit. A unit so skilled that, later, a few locals with rifles can roll up in a pick-up and totally clusterfuck their finely oiled operation. Really?

Without their intervention, obviously the story would have ground to a dull halt. The problem with The Crazies is, every time the story writes David, his wife Judy (Radha Mitchell, Silent Hill), and his deputy Russell (Joe Anderson, The Ruins) into an impossible situation, yet another ludicrous contrivance allows them to limp onward...even if it contradicts the previously established confines of the plot.

As much as I'd like to lambaste director Breck Eisner (Sahara) and writers Scott Kosar (Machinist) and Ray Wright (Pulse) for every inane liberty they exercised to sloppily extrude a full-length film from an otherwise decent premise, why bother? I shrugged off the loss of my $1.50, thankful I could wash away the bad taste with another quality episode of Olyphant's FX show, Jusitified.

Dream Bigger

Garbage Dreams


Release: 07.31.09
Rated UR
1 hour, 29 minutes


Matinee



On the edge of Cairo lies the neighborhood of Mokattam. The 60,000 people that live here are known as Zaballeen, or "garbage people," because they earn a living by recycling 80% of the garbage they collect from the city. That is, until Cairo contracted foreign companies for garbage disposal. For four years, Garbage Dreams follows three teen boys, Adham, Osama, and Nabil, as they look to their future while their people's livelihood is usurped.

The Zaballeen heft sacks of garbage three to five times their size along the streets of Cairo, hoisting them into carts and trucks to haul to Mokattam. Upon first glance, Mokattam seems little more than a trash pile, but closer inspection reveals an entire society organized around recycling. Bottles, cans, paper and food waste are separated into large piles and processed by the Zaballeen. All of this is done by them with only minimal payment from the people of Cairo.


Respect, family and communal pride runs deep within the three boys. The charismatic though unfocused Osama wishes only to attain respect from his family and friends. Nabil is ready to have his own family, but the lack of work worries him. Adham supports his family while his father is incarcerated, but he has industrious visions for the Zaballeen's future.

The plight of these three boys is compelling; you can't help but sympathize over the adversity they face. However, Garbage Dreams focuses only on one element of the issue. To inspire audiences to action, the entire problem needs to be explained. Being the internationally uninformed American I am, I know little of the cultural, political and religious issues that may exist between the people of Cairo and the Zaballeen. For example, the Zaballeen are mostly Coptic Christian, a religious minority in predominantly Muslim Egypt. The Zaballeen are poor farmers who moved from the rural south to the outskirts of the city to find new work. As much as we'd all like to buy the world a Coke, how much did these prejudices play into the decision of Cairo and its citizens to privatize service?

Knowing more about the attitudes of the Cairo government, its people, and the foreign trash companies toward the Zaballeen may have helped to build even larger support for the Zaballeen and their future as recyclers. With that perspective lacking, I found myself wondering why I was looking at yet another random scene of a stray dog scrounging through piles of trash.

Despite providing only a singular context, Garbage Dreams achieves its goal; to raise awareness of the Zaballeen and their predicament. Osama, Adham, and Nabil still hold to their recycling dreams by the film's end, but you'll leave wondering what the reality of their future will hold.

To learn more, visit www.garbagedreams.com

Huh, Huh, You Said "Poll"

The results are in! A few weeks back I asked the burning question:

How do you feel about the 3D experience?

Here's how you stargazers (as represented by the 11 voters) like this latest, movie-going fad:

1 voter Loves It!!! - The line for more Kool-Aid starts behind by Jeffrey Katzenberg and James Cameron.

3 voters Like It. - If there is no other format option available, you won't be offended to shill out a few more bucks.

3 voters Not Interested. - You didn't realize Hollywood was hyping a new film format; that's how much you care about it.

1 voter Don't Like It! - (Bad grammar aside) You'd prefer to keep your hard-earned money to spend on more non-3D movies.

and 3 voters plus myself...

Hated It!!!

We'd rather gouge our eyes out than support this fad!!! We give this 3D hoopla three snaps in a jump-off-a-the-screen-in-your-face circle, jerk-ass!!!

***

With that out of the way, let's talk about lameness. Specifically, the Reel Whore's lameness at posting. Lately I haven't been able to get a leg up on my review queue. I currently have a dozen films to be reviewed. My plan is to knock all those out within the next week to give my dear stargazers the quality content you deserve.

Since I've been so behind, my specialties have suffered greatly. Sure, I still manage to post my Monday Mood Music every week. I continue to faithfully chronicle my opinions of upcoming films by releasing my Trailer Trash at the beginning of every month. However, my loyal stargazers no doubt hate that I haven't posted a Who's That Lady?, Face Punch, or Spank Bank in, like, forever!

Thus brings us to my latest poll. I want to know which of my specialties would you like to see comeback with a vengeance? Would you prefer I spice things up with a new feature? Do you just not give a damn about anything but my reviews? In this poll, you can vote for as many of these as you'd like, Reel Whore has not limits. No tell me...

Which of my specialties do it for you?

.

MMM: Be Kind to Friendly Strangers

Some Mondays I have a hard time thinking of a song that really fits my mood. Other times, like today, I have nothing but songs in my head; I just don't have enough time to post them all. Between The Losers, SNL, Glee and Dancing with the Stars I have a plethora of great songs to choose from. So which will be the winner this week?

None of the above. When it gets hard to whittle down a particular favorite, it's time to dig into the pod and pull out a random 5-star tune. I've loved this particular one as far back as I can remember. For me that means my middle school years in the '80s, when I really started paying attention to music. The specific time isn't important; the song will always be five years older than me.

Back in 1970, a band by the name of the Ides of March reached #1 on the Billboard charts with this hit. The band split in 1973, but reunited in 1990 and have been a-rockin' and a-rollin' ever since. Though they've yet to repeat their success with their 1970 hit, I found it interesting that band member Jim Peterik went on to score several hits during the hiatus. He co-wrote hits such as Survivor's Eye of the Tiger, .38 Special's Hold on Loosely and Sammy Hagar's Heavy Metal to name a few.

All great songs, but none of them hold a candle to the Ides of March tune, Vehicle. When it was released, it was the fastest selling single in the history of Warner Bros. Records. Crazy all the things you can discover from Wikipedia, huh? According to their page, the Ides of March is still touring. Although they won't make it to my neck of the woods, you should check them out if they come your way. Until then, enjoy this live performance:

The Ides of March - Vehicle

Nothing like a strong brass section to get the Monday morning juices flowing.

.

The Jizt: Clash of the Titans

In this fast-paced world of blogging, tweeting and fly-by-night film voyeurism, sometimes one doesn't have the time to give a film proper treatment. More importantly, others do not always have the time to read it. Sometimes you just have to take it around back and squeeze one out in 1-2-3 quick licks.

Think of The Jizt as the wham, bam, thank you ma'am of reviews.


Clash of the Titans


Release: 04.02.10
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 46 minutes


Matinee




Cast: Sam Worthington (Avatar), Ralph Fiennes (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire), Gemma Arterton (Quantum of Solace)

The Build-up: Fisherman and bastard son of Zeus, Perseus, is called upon by the people of Argos to stop Hades from unleashing his ultimate wrath upon them; the Kraken.

The Blurt-out: Director Louis Letterier's knack for thrilling action sequences and spanky special effects almost keeps audiences from wondering when Hades's poorly attached scalp piece will detach completely.

The Jizt: Had the salvation of Argos lain not in the physicality of their champion, but in his acting ability, the populace would have been shit out of luck.

"Like we told ya kid, playing with the Jizt will put your eye out!"

.

MMM: No Time To Talk

Good Monday to you stargazers! It's been a minute, but I am finally back. I was overcome by some sort of sickness that laid me on my ass for most of last week. I started getting my steam back around Friday, but by then I had a mile-high list o' ish to contend with.

I am so hoping I will settle back into my work, blog, etc. without a lot of hectic claptrap, fingers crossed. Since I tend to be somewhat of a cynical optimist, I expect the worst so that I will be pleasantly surprised when things aren't as bad as I imagined.

In honor of that jittery, antsy feeling of being behind the eight ball, this Monday Mood Music selection is one helluva energetic song to get the heart racing so it'll feel like those potential annoyances appear to pour at me like molasses out of a jar.

The song is I Would Never Wanna Be Young Again and I know nothing about the gypsy punk band responsible. Only thing I've ever known is that the lead singer, Eugene Hütz, acted in the Elijah Wood movie Everything Is Illuminated (which I still need to see btw). One day I'll slow down enough to delve into the group's history and maybe catch that flick, but today I just need that morning dose of musical adrenaline.

Gogol Bordello -
I Would Never Wanna Be Young Again

Bet you're ready to tackle the day now. I know I am.

Rah-Rah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah!!!

Have you heard the news?

I got my tiiiii-ckets
for Lady Gaaaaa-ga!

I betcha waaaaant them,
But they're miiiii-iiine!

I got my tiiiii-ckets,
for Lady Gaaaaa-ga!

If you waaaaant some,
Go get in liiiii-iiine!

In case you were wondering; yes the cabbage patch is the preferred dance for Lady Gaga ticket acquisition to be performed like so:



So Lady Gaga, when you come to the RBC Center in Raleigh on September 19th to perform you're better-be-worth-outrageous-ticket-prices show, just look for me.

Dots. Dots. Everywhere I Look I See Dots.

Chloe


Release: 03.26.10
Rated R
1 hour, 36 minutes


Matinee



Dr. Catherine Stewart (Julianne Moore, Far From Heaven) is a spectator in her own life. She watches as her son Michael (Max Thieriot, Jumper) continually defies her. She watches as her husband, David (Liam Neeson, Kinsey), entrances every young woman with his charm. When David intentionally misses his birthday party, she worries he's cheating. Catherine hires an escort she's seen from her office window, Chloe (Amanda Seyfried, Jennifer's Body), to attempt to settle her insecurities.

If your script calls for a strong woman whose emotional state is deteriorating, looks like a job for Julianne Moore. Likewise, Neeson can furrow a brow of loving concern like few others. Seyfried proves she can step away from the kids' table to join the adults' party. As the outsider brought into the center of the Stewarts' problems, her role as temptress is impressive although sorely underwritten.

You won't find fault in the major players' acting. This erotic thriller keeps your eyes glued to the screen for many reasons, but Chloe suffers from one-sided storytelling. Atom Egoyan (Where the Truth Lies) directs with a skillful hand; subtle cues by the actors and symbolism within the scenes tell far more than any of the dialogue. Somewhere between Erin Cressida Wilson (Secretary) adapting the French film, Nathalie, and the final cut, the lack of development of Chloe weakens the film's overall impact.

Dirty Undies
To clarify, the post's title is a reference that a very select few of my friends might remember. During a weekend school event, my high school government teacher spoke those words among a group of us when a sexy woman in a polka-dotted dress walked by and gave him a wink and a smile. I wonder if his game was tight enough to seal the deal.

I mention this because that memory sprang to mind as I gazed upon Julianne Moore in all her freckled glory. I thought Egoyan's direction of Alison Lohman's sexcapades in Where the Truth Lies was hot, but watching Ms. Moore writhe in ecstasy as her lady garden is attended to is...whoa. In a shower scene, Egoyan focuses on Moore's erect nipples (like erasers on those jumbo kiddie pencils) "for absolutely no reason," according to Monique Elisabeth of Movie Reviews by FAQs. I'd argue it was to illustrate Catherine's fixation over the details of David and Chloe's affair, and maybe, just maybe, it was a little gratuitous. Viewers will also be pleased to know that Amanda Seyfried's eyes are not, in fact, the biggest pair of hers you'll remember from Chloe.

The Money Shot
The performances and skillful direction are reason enough to see Chloe. The erotic content is just a nice plus to this thriller, especially for us pervs. Though Chloe's vacuous motivations leaves you wishing Egoyan had done more 'splaining, it's still one steamy, thought-provoking romp.

A Quickie: My Name is Khan

My Name is Khan


Release: 02.12.10 ltd.
Rated PG-13
2 hours, 45 minutes


Full Price

Rizwan Khan (Shahrukh Khan) is a Muslim who also suffers from Asperger's syndrome. Khan (that's pronounced "Khan from the epiglottis," by the way), moves from Mumbai to San Francisco with the help of his younger brother, Zafir (Jimmy Shergill). Zafir also gets him a job selling beauty products. On his route, Khan meets a Hindu woman, Mandira (Kajol), and falls in love.

Rizwan, Mandira, and her son Sam (Yuvaan Makaar) live a happy, suburban life until the tragedies of 9-11 taint people's opinions of them. The events that follow lead to Khan embarking on a cross-country trek to meet the President and tell him plainly, "My name is Khan, and I am not a terrorist."

This was my first official Bollywood film and I was not disappointed. This was due in large part to the engrossing performance of Shahrukh Khan. The film relies on his portrayal and a considerable amount of voice-over narration to relate the emotions Khan is not able to convey. The sadness of Khan's plight would almost be too much to bear, except that it is thrown off balance by the woefully ridiculous stereotypes Khan encounters.

A southern black mother complete with apron and head wrap, and a government interrogator who knows Khan's as guilty as his skin is brown are just two of the many one-sided characters. You can forgive these cardboard cut-outs because they are not the story; Khan is. Khan's quest is incredibly heart-breaking and uplifting, and Shahrukh Khan's presence makes every step of his journey felt.

MMM: Something You Said

I had a lot going on over the three-day weekend, but I still managed to score some sorely needed theater time. The second of three films I watched this weekend was Hot Tub Time Machine. One great thing about HTTM was the retro music. Afterward, the wife and I talked about how much of the music we recognize, but that, if our lives depended on it, we couldn't always name the title of the song, let alone the artist. I guess we should've watched more of those 80's countdown shows VH1 used to play before becoming the home for retard reality. But I digress.

This Monday Mood Music selection was at the center of that conversation. We both knew the song title, but best I could recall it was by one of those overseas bands with a strange name. Obviously, that's not all that useful considering how many oddly-named European groups top the US charts with a hit song. Once home, I took to the interwebs to discover Cutting Crew was the elusive band behind the 1986 hit (I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight. They formed in England in 1985 and broke up in 1993. The lead singer, Nick Van Eede evidently still has songs in his head because he restarted an all new Cutting Crew in 2005.

Cutting Crew was more than a one-hit wonder, but none of their follow-up releases ever reached the heights of their first single. Here's that Hot Tub Time Machine featured tune:

Cutting Crew -
(I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight

I really wanted to use their official music video, but embedding was disabled. I don't get that. You'd think groups and companies would appreciate the internet play? You should check the video out if for no other reason than to see how much Nick Van Eede looked like Michael Biehn, coming to save Sarah Connor. He's even rocking a trench coat!

.

Trailer Trash: The April Gang Bang

The days are warm, the skies are sunny, and the box office is blooming. April brings with it the hope of entertaining movies. Be careful, stargazers; like the Bradford pear trees that are currently in bloom, some movies may be pretty to look at, but get close enough and their stench is unavoidable.

With that in mind, let's look at the nine major releases (according to IMDB) opening this month. The most tempting releases don't arrive until late in the month, but can't you just feel the excitement?

Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.

The Back-up Plan (04.23) Jennifer Lopez dropped out of the movies for four years to have two kids with her husband. Her triumphant return is playing a woman who orders up her double shot of baby juice with foam from Starfuck's because she can't find Mr. Right. So believable that J-Lo can't find a single man in NYC to put the cream in her sugar bowl. Plus, it looks just as dumb as the premise sounds.

Eww, who'd ever have sex with that?!

The Last Song (03.31) Thanks to Jess at Insight for Entertainment, I've finally taken the plunge into the death-glazed, love doughnut recipe that Nicolas Sparks has used to get six of his books turned into movies. I'm a sucker for Kinnear's extremely earnest grin, but it'd be safest to view Miley from as small a screen as possible.

Why Did I Get Married Too? (04.02) You've got to wonder if it's Tyler Perry's mission to make Janet Jackson look as to' up as possible. I am excited that they've given Malik Yoba a role beyond being the tired-looking brother sitting in the corner. Still, it's been two years since I've seen a TP film in theaters and I'd like to keep it that way.

It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

Death at a Funeral (04.16) This movie was hilarious!...when I saw it in 2007. Chris Rock must be praying that no one saw Frank Oz's original back then. The most disturbing fact is that Peter Dinklage plays the EXACT same character! You gotta wonder if he and Tony Cox had to wrestle for the role, ohh! Sorry, was that a low blow...oh, um, I didn't mean 'low.' I quite enjoy Mr. Dinklage's work; just hate that he has to stoop to a repea- oh wait, I did it again! Time to stop while I'm ahead, just like Chris Rock should have done.

Peter "Da Fuckin' Man" Dinklage

Clash of the Titans (04.02) Finally! Warner Bros. is releasing that damn Kraken Liam's been screaming about for the past five months. It doesn't look impressive enough to rush to see, but my adventure-starved brain can't resist the hype or Alexa Davalos.

Date Night (04.09) Tina Fey and Steve Carell are the royal family of NBC comedy and have seen moderate success at the box office. Just imagine the kinda bank a team-up can generate! If James Franco can take a week off from his hectic General Hospital schedule and Common can dust off his SAG card, the least I can do is catch a matinee.


Moist With Antici...Pation!

A Nightmare on Elm Street (04.30) Technically, you can't call this Freddy's new nightmare; that was released in 1994. This is more a nightmare for Freddy fans who wish Michael Bay would stop paying music video directors to shit all over our fond horror flick memories. Nevertheless, I enjoy a slasher flick way too much to pretend I'm not still excited to see this.

The Losers (04.23) An exciting-looking, shoot-em-up action flick based on a comic of the same name. The trailer gives off a poor man's A-Team vibe, but it should still be a good opportunity to hear cheesy one-liners, watch shit blow up, and wonder how Zoe Saldana can lift a bazooka that weighs more than she does. Plus, fanboys can see the newly dubbed Captain America Chris Evans prove he's got the chops to wield the shield.

Kick-Ass (04.16) Kick-Ass looks like a bloodbath of vulgar, violent ass-whoopings and shoot-outs. Why wouldn't I go see this? I am so hoping the trailer is just a taste and not the whole cake; I'll be sorely disappointed if advertisers have already blown the movie's load in the trailers.

***

That's all she wrote for April stargazers. Actually, there are just as many limited-release films as major releases, and a few show promise. My top three; Don McKay, The Joneses and Warlords.

What are you most excited to see in April?

.

Huh, Huh, You Said "Poll"

To continue the spirit of my maniacal soapboxing from yesterday, I'm gonna bitch about one more thing that bugs the piss out of me.

For those of you who went to the theater last weekend, how did it feel to have Hollywood shove their grubby little fingers deeper into your honeypot? If you weren't aware of the new shit that has come to light, it was announced last week box office prices country-wide were raised (3-D movies up 8.3%, IMAX movies up 10%, and the 'classic' medium up 4%). Industry people believe consumers are "hungry for 3-D content" while Box Office Mojo President Brandon Gray believes "It's more of an industry push than an audience push, at least currently." Thrice last year I plopped down the extra bucks for the "3-D experience" and my overall conclusion: I wish I hadn't.

I've got lots of reasons to hate on 3-D; First off, not all glasses are as environmentally friendly as others. IMAX sends its glasses through their own on-site sterilization machine enabling them to get about 500 uses out of the glasses. Sounds fairly green to me. Dolby Theaters also have on-site cleaning methods, though their is some skepticism as to their cleanliness.

But if you're like me, your 3-D glasses come prepackaged in plastic (plastic that nearly always finds its way to the trash). Once your enhanced viewing experience is over, most moviegoers "recycle" their glasses in a designated cardboard stand outside the theater.

There are still some people that insist on keeping their glasses under the misguided belief they can save themselves money at the next 3-D affair. Sorry folks, but as a friend of mine learned, you are paying for the "technology," not the glasses. But I digress. If that box is full of used glasses provided by RealD or National Amusements, Inc., they get shipped cross country to recycling centers where they are washed, inspected, repackaged and sent back into the world. How green does that sound?

Granola griping aside, I have a hard time paying an extra $3.50 for a "technology" that allows me to watch movies in a new, excitingly blurry way. I've never gotten physically ill from the 3-D motion onscreen, but I have been sickened knowing I paid more for a less appealing experience. Seriously, if I want to see a flower in all it's three-dimensional glory I will go outside and find one. At least when it sways in the breeze, the image won't get distorted.

Not to mention I already wear glasses, so why the hell would I want to wear two pair of glasses to watch a movie?

Is this Whore just being a bitch? Do you agree that 3-D is more industry hype, or is it the greatest thing since sliced bread to you? For the next few weeks you'll have your chance to let me know. A simple poll, using the Netflix ratings scheme is now up in the sidebar. Here's how they translate:

How do you feel about the 3-D experience?

Love it!!! - More Kool-Aid please!!!
Really Like it! - If the movie is made for 3-D, it's totally worth it!
Like it. - If there's no other choice, I can deal.
Not Interested. - There are 3-D movies?
Don't Like it! - I prefer to keep my hard-earned money!
Hate It!!! - I'd rather gouge my eyes out than support this fad, jerk-ass!!!

Can't wait to hear your opinions on 3-D!

RW Quarterly, Vol. III - Issue 1

Any whore worth his salt knows you have to step back from the daily grind now and again to do a little bookkeeping. The Reel Whore Quarterly indexes all the films I've seen over the last 13 weeks.



Every review I've posted is linked. Films italicized in blue are in the review queue so be sure to check back for those. If a film below deserves a whore-treatment but isn't slated to receive it, request it!


Hard to believe, but we're already a fourth of the way into 2010! My movie watching habits during the first quarter of the year have been quite healthy (relatively speaking); I've seen 44 films. Not too shabby since my addiction to TV on DVD continues. I'm currently slamming my way through Dexter with Breaking Bad, Rome and True Blood waiting in the wings.

What may be surprising with this report is that my in-theater viewing has declined significantly when compared to previous years. This is due, in large part, to the incredibly shitty films that have been offered up the past three months. Hopefully, April will shower us will watchable theatrical content. Be sure to check in Friday for this month's Trailer Trash to see what's coming down the pipe.

SERIOUSLY, if you see a film below that you want my opinion on, chastise me ove rmy slackness and I'll get 'er done.


The Reel Whore's Movies Watched
January 1 to March 31, 2010

01. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
02. Up
03. Where the Wild Things Are
04. He's Just Not That Into You
05. Nine
06. I Love You, Beth Cooper
07. The Road
08. 17 Again
09. Book of Eli
10. Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
11. Invictus
12. The Girlfriend Experience
13. The Fourth Kind
14. Attack Girls' Swim Team vs. the Undead
15. Year One
16. Up in the Air
17. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
18. Armored
19. The Young Victoria
20. Bright Star
21. In the Loop
22. Rashomon
23. Wolfman
24. Road Trip: Beer Pong
25. A Single Man
26. The Mysteries of Pittsburgh
27. Crazy Heart
28. Shutter Island
29. Fifth Element
30. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
31. The Last Station
32. Repo! The Genetic Opera
33. Uncle Buck
34. Management
35. Universal Soldier: Regeneration
36. It's Complicated
37. Alice in Wonderland
38. Nights in Rodanthe
39. Daybreakers
40. Youth in Revolt
41. The Proposal
42. My Name is Khan
43. Bitch Slap
44. Music & Lyrics

* Movies in Blue are currently in my review queue.