The Hump: No. 29

The Hump: No. 1

MMM: Have A Killer Christmas!

Christmas is right around the corner, stargazers! I'm still scrambling to buy, wrap and send off gifts to my friends and loved ones. I hope you all have your shopping all wrapped up so you can simply enjoy the holiday season.

With only five days left, I decided to splurge and give my readers five songs to enjoy! Conveniently enough the Killers have been releasing Christmas songs for the past five years. The proceeds of every release goes to Product Red, so if you dig their holiday tunes, you can be happy knowing your download will go to a good cause. Enjoy!

Killers - A Great Big Sled (2006)

Killers - Don't Shoot Me Santa (2007)

 

Killers - Joseph, Better You Than Me (2008)

Killers - ¡Happy Birthday Guadalupe! (2009)

Killers - Boots (2010)

FMK Friday: Ball Droppin' Dudes

Damn if this hasn't been a long time coming!  My last round of FMK Friday wrapped up nearly a month ago, but the busy-ness of the season has kept me from posting the results time and again. No worries, the latest round of Fuck, Marry Kill has definitely been worth the wait! If you are unfamiliar with the game, here's how it goes:

To play I present you, my readers, with three people. You must decide which person you'd like to bed, which you'd wed and which you want dead. It's not always as simple as it sounds.

The theme of Round 8, Birthday Beauties, received a total of eleven votes. I expected fierce competition between these ladies, but was that the case? Voters overwhelmingly chose to:

Fuck Thandie,
Marry Emma,
Kill Rebecca




Interesting. When we take a closer look at the votes we see:



Poor, poor Rebecca. Here I was thinking she'd give Thandie and Emma lots of competition, and then everyone goes and gives her the axe.

Fuck Thandie: Thandie and Emma would have been tied in this category, but like many voters I had to choose Ms. Newton to help me defy the laws of physics. With her training as a dancer, my guess is every Kama Sutra position would be attainable. 
Marry Emma: Emma and Thandie also tied the knot for wedded bliss prior to my vote. My woman says I've always had a thing for younger ladies, but I'd like to think it's Emma's love of yummy food and great comedies that gave her the edge. While polygamy is illegal, Emma would be worth the risk.
Kill Rebecca: I'm no better than the rest of you! I was never much of a Romijn fanatic until Ugly Betty, but the competition was simply too stiff for her to survive. At least Jerry's granted her a stay of execution.

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Welcome to Round 9! With the new year just around the corner, I wanted a poll befitting the season.  That's why you'll have until the ball drops in 2011 to decide which hunky, wang-dangling actor rings your bell.

In recent years, the proliferation of penis has increased in movies thanks, in no small part, to these fellas. Before you ask, Harvey Keitel has been excluded from competition due to his legendary status as a penis pusher. Conversely, Colin Farrell has been expelled from contention for his exposure in Alexander. There were so many things wrong with that movie, but his sack silhouette was the wrongest of all. That begs the question, who measured up? 

Fuck, Marry, Kill

Ball Droppin' Dudes

From left to right:
Ewan McGregor; He could beat the Cheshire Cat in a grinning contest, but if he drops trou you wouldn't care if the man even had a face. Thanks to his roles in The Pillow Book and Young Adam, audiences recognize his willingness to let it all hang out.
 
Viggo Mortensen; I thought Viggo couldn't get any manlier after taking Maria Bello on the stairs in A History of Violence, then along came Eastern Promises. When it's kill or be killed, not even a towel can keep his manliness under wraps! I can only imagine he'll whip it out and spank it in his next Cronenberg collaboration.

Peter Sarsgaard; Filling out the contenders is Peter with his fearless display of, well, peter in Kinsey. Granted, I don't think anyone, woman or man, could turn down Liam Neeson if propositioned, but it takes a lot of balls to put it out there for all to see.


Round 9 will run through December 31st. That gives you two weeks to show your favorite fella the proper support. When the ball drops, which man will rise above the rest?

Choose wisely.
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Trailer Trash: The December 17th Quickie

Looks like we're in for another mix of major and limited releases stargazers and you know what? I couldn't care less! Why would I care about these when Black Swan finally opens here today! My plans are already made; I know what size popcorn and drink I'll be buying and how many napkins I'll need to wipe up the mess (from the treats, of course!). One better, The Fighter also expanded to my area, which means my Sunday movie schedule is also shaping up nicely.

For those of you who have already been privy to those films, here's the newest offerings from the pipeline, three major and two limited, a la  IMDb.

Tron: Legacy I was stoked about this movie the first fifty or so times I saw the trailer. I even overlooked the so-so special effects used to make Bridges twenty-eight years younger because this looked thrilling. Then I discovered I couldn't watch the original because Disney is withholding it for fear it will ruin the sequel's box office. Oh well, Mouse House, you just lost my ticket.

Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

How Do You Know Lucky for this movie it stars Paul Rudd or else this lazy-ass poster would've been reason enough to avoid at all cost. My fascination with Mr. Rudd aside, this film draws me like a moth to a flame. Though Nicholson, Wilson, or Witherspoon wouldn't usually be enough of a draw for me, the combined charismatic force of this quartet is irresistible. I predict it's this year's It's Complicated. 


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!

Yogi Bear  You don't have to be smarter than the average bear to know this project should have been euthanized before it mauled the memory of yet another childhood classic. Dan Aykroyd should have known better after seeing Bill Murray stomp down the Garfield path. Parents will be looking for kid-friendly fare to shove kids in while they finish their holiday shopping, but that's no excuse for a studio to subject folks to this travesty.

Verdict: Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.

Rabbit Hole (limited) Damned if this doesn't look like the cheery, feel-good film everyone needs during the holidays! I was being sarcastic in case you were wondering. Kidman and Eckhart will undoubtedly deliver phenomenal performances, but I can think of a dozen other films I'd rather watch instead of an emotionally-fueled drama right about now. Catch you in the NFQ!



Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.



Casino Jack (limited) Ooh, another film that reminds Americans of how crooked and shifty the inner workings of our government is. Like Rabbit Hole, I'm certain Spacey and Pepper will deliver excellent performances as soulless lobbyists, and also like Rabbit Hole, I am in no rush of paying to see this story.





Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.


The long awaited FMK Friday results are just around the corner along with a brand new match-up. Come back soon!
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The Hump: No. 17

MMM: Falling Out of Reach

I had intended for this week's musical selection to be the official music video, but apparently some companies still insist on disabling embedding. That is SO two years ago. Especially considering this week's selection is so eight years ago.

This tune was born from the mind of Raine Maida, lead singer of Our Lady Peace around Christmas 2001. Over his ten day holiday he scratched out seven new songs for their upcoming album, Gravity. Less than a year later, this song was released to the masses.

Now, nine years since it's inception, here is a live performance of Somewhere Out There for your listening pleasure.

Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There

I best jet, Christmas shopping is calling. With only two weeks left, I guess I should get started! Here's hoping your holiday errands are nearly done.

Trailer Trash: The December 10th Quickie

Looking to this weekend, all I'm seeing is more of the same; a couple of take 'em or leave 'em mainstream flicks alongside a few enticing limited releases I won't be privy to until AT LEAST late January. I'm not sure if having more respectable movie options should be reason enough to move to a bigger city, but I can think of worse reasons to uproot yourself. Even though all the good shit won't be coming down the pipe for some time, it's still fun to trash all five of IMDb's listed releases.

The Tourist Best thing about this movie? The Kevin Bacon game just got a whole lot simpler! Depp and Jolie together in a flick that will be forgotten as quickly as it was made. These two are fetching and the action looks peppy, but to me it's nothing more than the winter equivalent of Knight and Day.

Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader Over the years I've made my opinion of Walden Media and their Narnia adaptation pretty clear. That said, this doesn't look nearly as painful as Prince Caspian. It also doesn't look worthy of the $7.25 I would have to shill out for a matinee. Maybe I'll use my free time to honor you stargazers' recommendations I revisit How to Train Your Dragon.


Verdict: Exercise the Right to Cinematic Celibacy.

The Tempest (limited) This looks like David Bowie's Goblin King and director Terry Gilliam forced Helen Mirren into an absinthe-fueled threesome on the stage of Shakespeare's Globe Theater. She came out of it kinda crazy, but still looking pretty damned smokin' for a lady of her vintage. The wicked visuals and fantasy rock soundtrack have me more than pissed this isn't open here!

Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!

The Fighter (limited) A hunky specimen of man, Mark Wahlberg stars alongside another unhealthy version of Christian Bale. No matter his size, Bale delivers. For Amy Adams, this flick may prove you can wipe that indelible cheery spirit from her dimples. Any way you slice it, you've got great talent dishing out gripping drama so why would you not see it?




Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!


The Garden of Eden (limited) Last week I was (and still am) all a flutter over the Black Swan Portman-Kunis lesbian romp, but I've got a whole week until it's locally released. I'll have to settle for the girl-on-girl-on-guy antics of Jack Huston, Mena Suvari, and Caterina Murino... Okay, you twisted my arm.
P.S. - Sexual escapades aside, I am worried this adaptation may be a jumbled mess.


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.



While I did promise more content here at the Reel Whore, this week was determined to not make it happen. I will be posting the results of my last FMK Friday! and if you stay tuned, I have a new poll that is not to be missed!

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The Hump: No. 50

MMM: And a Dollar Short

A Monday Mood Music on a Tuesday, weird right? A weekend on the road, doctor's appointments and work obligations made it impossible for me to kick off your week with smooth sounds. I won't let it happen again (at least not anytime soon).

This week's selection is a teaser of more to come. Enjoy and have a great week!

Willie Hutch - Foxy Brown

Trailer Trash: The December 3rd Quickie

I'm glad I'm headed to Atlanta in a few hours because film pickins be slim 'round these parts. There is only one major release coming to town this weekend.If you include the limited and very limited offerings IMDb lists the total is seven, but most of us won't be getting these anytime soon. Since I'm getting the shaft on the weekend I go to meet Shaft, I'll keep this week's trash'n to just the major and limited offerings.


The Warrior's Way If you can't wait until next summer for Cowboys and Aliens, one studio decided Cowboys and Ninjas can brighten our Christmas holiday. The trailer had me with the first fantastic wire-works display; casting Geoffrey Rush was the delectable icing on this violent looking treat. It may not live up to my action expectations, but it's not like it has any competition.



Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!

All Good Things (limited) The first of two films with possible Oscar noms for Ryan Gosling and the trailer makes sure we all know it. Though strong in cast, the trailer is weak in plot details aside from the "inspired by true events" shingle which leaves me less than excited. I'll wait to hear audience reactions before plopping down my hard-earned cash.

Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

Black Swan (limited) Even if I weren't a big fan of Darren Aronofsky's work, they had me at Natalie Portman - Mila Kunis sex scene. Oh, I'm sure the story will be equally awesome. 








Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!


Reel Whore has been majorly slack in terms of actual movie review content and being out of town this weekend isn't going to help the situation. Maybe if you ask Santa nicely, he can grant your movie review wishes.

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The Hump: No. 31