Not Watching Sex Drive is How People Get Gay

Sex Drive

Release: 10.17.2008
Rated R
1 hour, 49 minutes

Matinee ($$$)





Let me preface by saying I saw Sex Drive way back in August. I'm not sure if it they took it back to the editing room prior to release but let's assume not.

Chicago high-schooler Ian (Josh Zuckerman, Feast) is eighteen and still a virgin unlike his best bud Lance (Clark Duke, Clark and Michael). Though scruffy with a throwback fashion sense, ladies love cool Lance. Felicia (Amanda Crew, She's the Man) is Ian's BFF though he wished it weren't so since he's been feenin' for her since pre-school. To get over her, Lance convinces Ian that his IM buddy Ms. Tasty really is a hot blonde in Knoxville and not some dirty old man. Ian determined to release the virginity pressure, steals the '69 GTO Judge from his older brother Rex (James Marsden, 27 Dresses) to rendezvous with Ms. Tasty. If you think the trip is uneventful with mission accomplished, you've obviously never seen this well-worn premise before.

Zuckerman does a respectable job in the loser role patented by Jason Biggs, Breckin Meyer and the like. His funny scenes rely on bathroom humor - masturbation, condoms and penises mostly, some scenes closely mimicking other sex romp films. Crew is around mainly to be cute and cock block Ian when necessary. Of the trio, Duke commands the funniest lines thanks to his superb delivery.

The hilarity of the film lies with the supporting characters. James Marsden is over-the-top with his homophobia and car obsession. Watching his tantrums is a hilarious departure from his typical good guy roles. Conversely, Seth Green (Austin Powers) uses his perfected sarcasm and dry wit to portray the cool Amish dude Ezekiel. I laughed hardest when Green was in the scene. Sex Drive has a couple more cameos but one's like David Koechner (Get Smart) would've been best omitted.

In fact, it's the nearly two hour runtime that hurts Sex Drive most. At least half the bathroom humor and several peripheral characters, Ian's to-be stepmom and his younger brother among others, could have been cut to trim time and make the jokes pop. Movies like this should never extend too far beyond ninety minutes if they want to be awesome.

Dirty Undies
You expect brief nudity and lots of sex talk in a film called Sex Drive, though more would've been better. There's hot Amish chicks and a hunky Marsden to ogle at least. The bulk of its vulgarity lies in weak bathroom and penis humor. I will give director Sean Anders credit for one excellently executed genitals scene, you'll know it when you see it. The ending devolves into some comedic violence but it's nothing if you've made it through all the cock jokes.

The Money Shot
Sex Drive will not meet any lofty expectations. I'm still bothered by why Rex was living at home despite his age. My expectations ran low but even plot points like that bugged me. I kid, of course. Still, Sex Drive delivers far more laughs than groans. This isn't the kind of movie you question, you just hop in the passenger's seat and enjoy the ride.

Trailer Trash: The October 17th Quickie

Welcome to the second week of my October Trailer Trash coverage. I'm not sure if the format is as nifty as I'd like but I've had no complaints thus far.

I never made it out to theaters this past week. This self-inflicted house arrest must end soon! According to IMDB, the October 17th releases may offer the incentive I need as the number of interesting films in theaters keeps rising.



W I don't know what to think about this film. I saw the first trailer and wasn't too impressed. Since, the countless TV spots sell it as bitingly funny. Still, I've lived the W nightmare the last eight years and can't see paying to relive any fraction of it, or his life prior. On the other hand, Josh Brolin is a damn convincing Bush and would make it worth the price of admission.


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.


Max Payne I've been excited to see this since before Mark Wahlberg could talk to animals. I need something to wash away the foul taste The Happening left. I'm starving for a good actioner and crossing my fingers this will fit the bill. If not, at least I can stare at Mila Kunis and Olgo Kurylenko, although why Kurylenko wears the same red number from Hitman is a little curious.


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!



Sex Drive Actually, I saw this film two months ago, long before any trailers aired. Assuming I've never seen it, this road trip trailer has three things going for it; Seth Green as an Amish dude, James Marsden as a dick and Clark Duke just being funny. Also, MGMT's cool song Time to Pretend prominently hypes the film. Wait, that's four things isn't it? Expect a proper review later today.


Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!



The Secret Life of Bees Based on the best-selling novel with Love & Basketball's Gina Prince-Bythewood helming you'd think it'd be a good flick. No disrespect to the talent of Latifah, Hudson and Keyes but this isn't a musical. Just saying Nia Long, Meagan Good, Gabrielle Union, etc would have liked an audition. Having Fanning in the Haley Joel fugly teen years doesn't help either. At any rate, wifey will be dragging me to see this, despite my minor protests.


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.


What Just Happened (limited) The official trailer has this looking snappy and fun. Then again, I am a sucker for Bruce Willis and watching him play himself with a belly and bushy beard is an almost sell. But I realize in all the spots, I've seen no clue as to what's happening - never a good sign. Since word on the street says its bleh, even Bruce Willis won't get me in the seat opening weekend.


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.


Morning Light (limited) This is the amazing true story of fifteen teens chosen to participate in a 2300-mile ocean race despite having no sailing experience. Um yeah, I don't watch reality shows on television so I'll be damned if I pay money to watch one in theaters. I thought Disney had an entire channel they could dump garbage like this?


Verdict: Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.


That's a wrap. Hopefully, I'll make it to the theaters this weekend so I can return to writing reviews next week. Until then...

Fillin' you in on Fillion...

I saw this last week and was just too lame to get the word out until now. It'd just be wrong for the Reel Whore NOT to spread the love for a project titled PG Porn, wouldn't it?

Here's the excerpt from Spike:

"For people who like everything about porn...except the sex.

How many times have you been watching a great porn film - you're really enjoying the story, the acting, the cinematography - when, all of the sudden, they ruin everything with PEOPLE HAVING SEX?

A bunch of times, right?

That's why I, along with my brothers Brian and Sean, have created James Gunn's PG Porn. It's pornography everyone can enjoy, not just perverts."


This first episode, Nailing Your Wife, stars Nathan Fillion of Firefly, Slither, and Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place fame and Aria Giovanni; Penthouse Pet, nude model and softcore porn actress. Don't worry, other than the title, it's SFW. Enjoy:

Fillion is awesome as the porno construction worker. His timing and delivery is stellar porn material. Aria Giovanni is just awesomely hot.

I can't wait to see the episode Peanus featuring Michael Rosenbaum and Belladonna! Check out Gunn's site for more info.

Monday Mood Music (10.13.08)

This week's mood music selection is shorter, but not as sweet as last week's selection. It does, however, express a sentiment that many of us avid movie-goers have while at the theater. I cannot count the times this song has applied to my evenings at the movies.

Looking for a good laugh, I rented Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters last week. I'm not going to say the film was outstanding but I enjoyed it. The rest of the film couldn't top this musical introduction:

"Take the seed outside!"

Most any day of the week, I could take or leave Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I don't watch it religiously but I don't bleed from the eyes when I watch an episode like with The Family Guy. This little morsel reminds me I need to tune in more often to ATHF to discover the hidden gems.

Trailer Trash: The October 10th Quickie

My beloved Gang Bang hit a stumbling block this month. Due in part to my absence, but also because I couldn't suffer through watching the Beverly Hills Chihuahua trailer one more time. Evidently, I am in the minority since tons of folks decided watching those nasty talking rats was the can't miss event of the year. Times like this make me glad I haven't been to the theater in over two weeks.

At any rate, with the October Gang Bang a shambles, I will salvage the Trailer Trash the next best way, here's a quickie rundown of IMDB's listed releases for the week of October 10th:

Body of Lies Pairing Russell Crowe and director Ridley Scott in an action-thriller is a win-win. Toss in Leonardo DiCaprio whose proven he can pull of a decent thriller and that makes three reasons Body of Lies will be awesome. If I had to pick one film to make my triumphant return to the box office, this would be it.

Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!




City of Ember Until Tim Robbins hocked this on The Daily Show, I'd never heard of it. The dying underground city sounded interesting but then I saw the trailer and lost what little interest I had. Sure Bill Murray and Robbins stars, but it reeks with the stench of Walden Media. Given their track record, I'll read the book instead.


Verdict: Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.



Quarantine It'd be simple to make a joke about leaving this diseased film isolated. Surprisingly, it looks creepy and intense; plus it's one of the only horror flicks releasing in October. I'd much rather see the Spanish original [REC], but until it's available in the US, I'll make due.



Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!




RocknRolla (limited) Director Guy Ritchie seems to win some and lose some. Luckily, RocknRolla oozes the same machismo as Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. It also has the benefit of Gerard Butler, Tom Wilkinson and Idris Elba as part of the eclectic cast. This won't open locally anytime soon, but I'll be there when it does.

Verdict: Moist With Antici...Pation!



Happy-Go-Lucky (limited) It's been a while since we've been treated to a good 'ol British romp. Happy-Go-Lucky and main player Sally Hawkins looks like it will deliver exactly that. It has an Amelie quirkiness except no nifty visual effects. I worry the cutesy quirk, and my luck, will run out before the credits roll.


Verdict: It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.




Nights and Weekends (limited) Mattie and James are dealing with the rising tension of their long distance relations-z-z-z-zzzz. Uh, sorry. Yeah, this looks thoughtful, authentic and extremely indie. It also looks like a giant snooze fest full of blah, blah, blah.



Verdict: Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.


That's all she wrote. I'll have another Trailer Trash quickie lined up for next week.

The RW Quarterly, Vol. I - Issue 3

This quarter's update is a little late but you know how complicated those TPS forms can be. This past quarter I managed to squeeze in 39 films (two were repeat viewings), a few less than the previous quarter. I expect the final three months of 2008 will see a resurgence in movie watching, assuming I can stop picking up new TV show DVD's to watch.

As you will notice there are quite a number of films italicized in blue which will be receiving a review within the next few weeks. I have a note from my doctor to excuse my lameness, but check back over the next few weeks to see them posted.

As always, if you see something I haven't reviewed that you'd like to hear my two cents about, send me a shout and I will add it to the review queue.

The Reel Whore's Movies Watched
July 1 to September 30, 2008

87. The Machine Girl
88. Wall-E
89. Hancock
90. Horse Whisperer
91. Hellboy
92. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
93. So Close
94. Batman: Gotham Knight
95. Before Sunrise
96. Stargate
97. Big Trouble in Little China
98. Hamlet 2
99. The Dark Knight
100. Swing Vote
101. Midnight Meat Train
102. Death Race 2000
103. Step Brothers
104. Shaolin Soccer (Chinese)
105. Pineapple Express
106. Shaolin Soccer (English)
107. The Wackness
108. Tropic Thunder
109. Outsourced
110. The House Bunny
111. Mama's Boy
112. Traitor
113. Sex Drive
114. Baghead
115. Vicky Cristina Barcelona
116. The Abyss
117. Elegy
118. Leaving Las Vegas
119. The Messengers
120. The House Bunny
121. The Hot Chick
122. Tremors
123. Burn After Reading
124. Death Race
125. Man on Wire
126. Deal
127. The Family That Preys

* Movies in Blue are currently in the review queue.

Monday Mood Music (10.06.2008)

Hey stargazers! It looks like my Dammit Jim! auto-pilot ran out of steam early last week. No matter. Here's a little mood music plus while you wait for the site to get back up to speed.

I have a special three-fer set of videos. This first video, from this weekend's episode of SNL, reminded me how truly talented Mark Wahlberg is:

Video #2 is a shameless promotion for Mark Wahlberg's upcoming film Max Payne which looks awesome and not just because Mila Kunis also stars. I always felt Wahlberg was part of the next generation of action heroes and this should be one more step to proving it.



The final video, and this week's Mood Music selection is from Mr. Wahlberg when he was better know as Marky Mark, rolling with the Funky Bunch. Their hit single Good Vibrations is still immediately recognizable within hearing the first few notes and always gets the blood pumping. I present to you the classic jam of 1991:



Yeah! Can ya feel it baby?

I can too.