MILF Rendezvous: The Ten

I am always up for celebrating a celebrity birthday in the vault, and there was no way I was going to let one of my favorite of favorite actors, Mr. Paul Rudd, turn 43 without giving him a shout out.Though he’s been in “the biz” going on twenty years, it wasn’t until the mid-2000s when he found his niche as a charismatic go-to comedy star. I have openly admitted to my man crush, and whenever the opportunity arises, I like to dip into his filmography and watch something that I had somehow missed. The Ten is one such movie.

The Ten

Jeff Reigert (Paul Rudd) stands alone in an expanse of blackness. The only thing adorning the space is a set of massive stone tablets upon which the Ten Commandments are written. As our host, Jeff is here to introduce ten short stories, each inspired by a commandment, assuming he can keep the kerfuffle with his wife Gretchen (Famke Janssen) and his new friend Liz (Jessica Alba) from interrupting the flow.

Rendezvous...

The Spank Bank: Paul Rudd

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Move Over Matt and Ben!

I Love You, Man

Release: 03.20.09
Rated R
1 hour, 50 minutes

See It, Take a Friend, Buy the DVD!


It's the happiest day of Peter Klaven's (Paul Rudd, The Oh in Ohio) life. His girlfriend Zooey (Rashida Jones) just accepted his marriage proposal. Sadly, outside of his mom and the ladies in the office, Pete really doesn't have any buds to tell. Worried he may grow too clingy, Peter starts searching for a best friend. He inadvertently meets Sydney Fife (Jason Segel, Forgetting Sarah Marshall), and that's when the real fun begins.

O-M-G! Rudd and Rashida make the cutest couple on the planet! Rudd and Segel make a hilarious pairing. The supporting cast runs deep in comedy from Reno 911!'s finest, Thomas Lennon (Balls of Fury), to SNL cast members Andy Samberg (Hot Rod)and the underused Jane Curtin (Coneheads). J.K. Simmons (Spider-Man) has maybe three lines total, but knocks 'em all out of the park. Don't even get me started on Jaime "Kinston Represent" Pressly (Not Another Teen Movie), Jon Favreau (Made) and Lou Ferrigno (The Hulk)! Suffice it to say, the film is only as funny as its cast and this one's damned funny.

I Love You, Man clocks in just shy of two hours, but never loses its comic momentum. The story flows smoothly from Peter's friendless failing to a montage of man-dates to a montage of daily comraderie between Pistol Pete and Magoosh, um...let's just stick with Sydney. In a short time, the duo have more fun than B.F.F.s with a lifetime of history. Writer-director John Hamburg (Along Came Polly), using a story by Larry Levin (Doctor Dolittle), crafted a comedy that has its own life - amazing coming from the guy who unleashed Meet the Parents on the world.

Dirty Undies
I Love You, Man slips in some vomit gags and dog poo jokes, but nothing too egregious. There's a little violence and the rude and crude talk you might expect when guys get together but the R rating is barely deserving.

The Money Shot
Despite popularizing the most overused, cutesy catch-phrase of the hour (one I refuse to use), I Love You, Man is as hilarious as Nick Cannon. I'm a huge fan of Rudd and he delivers in every scene. I'm not a huge fan of Rush, but for those who are, the film delivers their great tunes, too. I like a good comedy. I love this great one, man.

Models and Porno

Not to disappoint you, but this is not a post about some amateur video starring Adriana Lima giving a Dutch Rudder after a night of too much green tea and appletinis. This post is actually a double team review of two comedies featuring a ton of Judd Apatow regulars sans the Apatow influence.

Role Models
Release:11.07.08
Rated R
1 hour, 35 minutes

Full Price ($$$$) <
> Matinee ($$$)

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Release:10.31.08
Rated R
1 hour, 41 minutes

Matinee ($$$)

Having both these films out in theaters right now can be a bit confusing. I mean one features Elizabeth Banks alongside an adorable, clean-cut fellow while the other features Elizabeth Banks opposite a a cuddly, scruffy fellow. If the deciding factor is your Banks-able tolerance level, she's barely in Role Models but headlines as the Miri in Zack and Miri. If you want fun and spunky Elizabeth, Z&M is the sure bet.

In Role Models, Danny (Paul Rudd, 40 Year Old Virgin) and Wheeler (Seann William Scott, Road Trip) are spokesmen for the energy drink Minotaur. After ten years at the firm, Danny's increasingly bitter existence leads him to some destructive shenanigans, leaving both he and Wheeler to do 30 days jail time or serve 150 hours of community service. Chosing the supposed lesser sentence, Danny and Wheeler join Sturdy Wings, mentoring Augie (Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Superbad) and Ronnie (Bobb'e J. Thompson, Idlewild), respectively. The two most difficult 'Littles' paired with the two most inept "Bigs," what could possibly happen?

Miri (Elizabeth Banks, Seabiscuit) shares a dilapidated apartment with her best friend Zack (Seth Rogen, Pineapple Express). Niether are particularly motivated to do any more than amble through life until their water and power are shut off in the middle of winter in Monroesville, PA. Zack, having recently met a porn star at their high school reunion, decides he and Miri should make an amatuer porno to earn quick cash. Enlisting friends and hiring some talent, the movie really starts coming together until complications arise from the friends, um, coming together.

I expected the hilarity of Role Models to be saddled on the backs of a couple of characters. Surprisingly the four fellows each share the burden, getting equal time in the limelight. Jane Lynch (A Mighty Wind) has a funny albeit bizarre role as the Sturdy Wings founder, Gale. While her and others are recognized as recent Apatow faves, the film is a product of The State crew, including Ken Marino (TV: Reaper), Keri Kenney-Silver (TV: Reno 911!), and director David Wain. The resulting combination is effective, producing a steady stream of laughter...relying only once on some minor bathroom humor.

Though Banks and Rogen, along with Craig Robinson (Walk Hard), have gained popularity through Apatow's films, you know Kevin Smith (Jersey Girl) is behind the helm when Jason Mewes (Mallrats) and Jeff Anderson (Clerks) also star. As usual, Rogen plays Rogen, only there are times when you can close your eyes and swear it was Smith talking. If there's one shining performance it's Justin Long (Accepted) in a brief appearance as Bobby Long, the outspoken partner of Zack and Miri's former schoolmate. It's obvious everyone is having a blast, running around partially to completely nude, spouting tons of raunchy dialogue in an effort to hide the fact that Z&M is little more than a romantic comedy a la Clerks II.

Dirty Undies
Paul Rudd truly is adorable, even when pouty and pissy. Seann William Scott does tone down the Stifler act, but his sexual escapades exposes not only a few women's bare chests, but his extremely firm buttocks and body. If your offended by expletive spewing kids, or expletives in general, Role Models will undoubtedly offend. Some fighting occurs, both mean and good spirited, but the foam weapons used make it funnier than violent.

As with most Smith fare, Zack and Miri is sure to expand your carnal knowledge base whether you wanted or not. Sex scenes are more laughable than explicit, but can be disturbing for those tamer in the bedroom. Porn stars Traci Lords (Blade) and Katie Morgan dominate the sex scenes (especially Katie's assets). If you are bothered by lots of raunchy sex and sex talk, nasty bathroom humor and the male form then maybe you should pass this by.

The Money Shot
If I had to choose between the two Banks-able projects, just looking at the marquee would be difficult. With Role Models and Zack and Miri Make a Porno both having a sampling of my favorite comedic actors and writers, you have to turn to the execution of their stories.

In the end, Role Models wins for being a well-balanced tale of awkward children reminding the adults life isn't any less awkward when grown. It's a little sugary, but the live action role playing and KISS references add a few fun twists along the way.

Zack and Miri is no slouch by any means. Not a Kevin Smtih best, but hardly a worst either. If vulgarity and goofy hits your funny bone just right, you'll find your money well spent. This is a must-see for fans of Justin Long. Though his part is small, it's not the size that matters, its what he does with it.

Who Says No to That Face?!

Over Her Dead Body

Release: 02/01/2008
Rated PG-13
1 hour, 35 minutes

Second-Run Seats ($$)


To address those that may ask right off the bat, no, my wife did not drag me to this. In fact, she was just as wary to see Over Her Dead Body as I was. But as my title implies, who wouldn't go see a film with Paul Rudd? If you've been fortunate enough to avoid every trailer for this film let me break it down for you.

Henry, played by Paul Rudd (The Oh in Ohio), is about to get married to Kate, played by Eva Longoria Parker of Desperate Housewives fame. Fortunately for Henry, divine intervention occurs and Kate is crushed on their wedding day. Fast-forward a year; Henry still mourns and lil' sis Chloe, portrayed by Lindsay Sloane (Bring it On), takes him to the psychic Ashley, played by Lake Bell, so the spirit of Kate can tell Henry to move on. What no one realizes is that Kate has been hanging around and when Ashley and Henry begin to fall in love, she uses her supernatural ability for annoyance to rip the union asunder.

If the story sounds lame, I can do you one better...Eva's acting. She has a few convincing moments in the movie, but mostly she seems to be sputtering through her lines while conveying vacant expressions into the camera. And since I can't help but kick a woman when she's down, let's discuss her make-up artist and stylist's need to bronze this woman from head to toe. I really wish I knew who conned the world into thinking a woman with hair color that matches her skin tone is sexy. I'd like to find that person and shellac him into a nice monochromatic stupor. I'm honestly surprised the scleras of Longoria Parker's eyes weren't as bronze as the rest of her. (The sclera is the white of your eye, and, yes, I had to look that up.) But I digress. My point is that she stunk up the place, visually and verbally.

Next in line for the walk of shame is writer Jeff Lowell who decided to take the directorial reigns in hand to craft this comedic masterpiece, as it were. The awkward cuts between characters and too-close close-ups provide evidence a-plenty that this is his first time behind the big-boy camera. The writing isn't terrible; there was just entirely too much filler between the conflict and resolution of the story. Also, I am wondering why Paul Rudd didn't get a writing credit because his lines sounded no different than any of his Reno 911! or Judd Apatow film appearances. I get the feeling I've been giving to much credit to Apatow for utilizing Rudd. Paul Rudd's presence is the sole reason this film ranked a Second-Run Seats rating. I don't think anyone could bestow a Group Rental rating on someone so damned adorable!

On the plus side, the remaining cast does a commendable job although Stephen Root (Office Space) is an utter waste and it's curious to see Jason Biggs (Loser) playing a role a one-legged chimp could play..guess he's fallen farther than I thought.

Dirty Undies
Overall, Over Her Dead Body is pretty tame fare. We never actually witness the crushing of Kate, a definite deduction in my opinion. Kate and Ashley toss some verbal slurs. The best Undies offering is Lake Bell who parades her lady bits for Rudd and the world to see. Granted, we don't get to see the full goods, but those knockers could provide plenty of bass in a chorus of the bells. Oh, I almost forgot to once again mention how damn lovable Paul Rudd is.

The Money Shot
Thanks to the diligent efforts of most of the cast, Over Her Dead Body turns out to be a film that I'd consider to be mildly enjoyable on one of my more positive of days. The story is predictable and not nearly as touching as it thinks it is. Now's the time I'd take my special lady friend to see 27 Dresses again instead of being dragged to this chick flick.