Trailer Trash: The October-09 Gang Bang

I didn't think it would be possible stargazers, but October looks to be a month of movies worth watching. I could be wrong. In fact, given that I only saw three releases in September (and only one of those was worth the price of admission), it could be that I'm just so anxious to get back on the cinema saddle that anything looks passable.

I doubt this is the case. As likely as it is I'll be disappointed by one or more of these flicks, there will no doubt be some that surprise me as well. Here are nineteen, count 'em nineteen, October releases according to IMDB. As always, they are ranked from worst to best for your enjoyment.

Exercise the Right To Cinematic Celibacy.

The Stepfather (10.16) How did this Lifetime reject find its way to the big screen? This is a story that should be segmented by Vagisil and Weight Watchers advertisements. Also, why would you pay to see a movie whose trailer spoils EVERY SINGLE plot point?!

Saw VI (10.23) The trailer teases "6 Chances, 6 Lessons, 6 Choices." I'm usually a completist and having seen the previous five films my compulsion should be to pony up for part VI. Luckily, this craptastic Castle Wolfenstein-esque teaser left me with only one choice; to spare my wallet by staying the fuck home.

It's Friday, I Don't Want to be Alone.

Capitalism: A Love Story (10.02) I still haven't seen Sicko from a couple years back. I feel disenchanted by Moore and his glam-doc style though I'm not exactly sure why. Of course, there's also the idea of shilling out my thin dimes to be reminded of how we, the people, got screwed.

Gentlemen Broncos (10.31) I'm torn on this. I loved the peculiar Napoleon Dynamite; the eccentric Nacho Libre not so much. While the third flick from the Swiss Family Hess promises to transport us to whole new levels of uber-quirkiness, I've been left once bitten, twice shy. Weighting my interest slightly in the positive direction is the chance to see Jemaine Clement in an actual role role.


Amelia (10.23) Wow! I sure hope this gamble pays off. I mean, getting Matt Damon to play a woman in such a high profile film is a real risk. Luckily, it looks like he shed a few pounds and really sells his role. What... Oh... Hilary Swank you say? Really? ... Looks like she does an excellent job. Yep...


Astro Boy (10.23) Last month, the kid in me was jumpin' for joy to see Astro Boy. But like a child, my interest in its good, light-hearted fun has waned. Sad to have a film with such potential lost to the cinematic shuffle.

The Invention of Lying (10.02) Around this time last year, Ricky Gervais starred in an odd-man-out comedy that looked more awkward than funny. Luckily, this year's odd-man-out comedy looks funny because it's awkward. Watching this berated man turn the tables on everyone he knows should be a good way to kill a couple hours.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (10.23) I'm absolutely loving the cast, but let's be honest. As much as I adore the talented John C. Reilly, I've yet to see him carry the lead in a comedy. Maybe a role touched by the freakish and strange is all he's been missing. I'm also curious to see how arousing a bearded Salma Hayek can be.


The House of the Devil (10.30) This is a conundrum. Though it releases in theaters at the end of the month, I could pull it up on Video on Demand right now. After watching this creepy throwback trailer, my DVR's going to stay backed up while I queue this up.

Good Hair (10.09 ltd.) Everyone should see this for at least one reason: it's your only chance to black actresses on the big screen as more than Eddie Murphy's wife or Sandra Bullock's best friend. Chris Rock's docu-comedy about African-American hairstyles will at least remind us Nia Long, et. al. once had a promising career.

Whip It (10.02) The Hollywood golden child Drew Barrymore directs her first feature with Hollywood's current golden goose Ellen Page starring. I would've been moist over this fun, yet predictable tale of girl power, but they went and cast Jimmy Fallon in it.

Moist With Antici...Pation!

This Is It (10.28) Losing Michael Jackson earlier this year was shocking. I'm surprised the studios even waited for the graveside service before plucking the coins from his eyes to sate the dollar signs in theirs. The rehearsal footage looks amazing, I just hate we had to see it under these circumstances.

Couples Retreat (10.09) Though I'm still reeling from Jason Bateman's last disappointing film, I'm putting my ticket for this in my hope chest. I'm stoked to see Vince Vaughn do his shtick and even more excited to see they cast a black man OTHER than Martin Lawrence to play the token friend (that's the funny Faizon Love btw). At worst, I can drool over the eye candy.


The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (10.30) What's better than releasing a 10-year special anniversary edition DVD of The Boondock Saints? How about releasing the long-awaited sequel?! Sure, Willem Dafoe doesn't return, but his replacement the sassy Julie Benz, wears the dress much better.

Law Abiding Citizen (10.16) This may be the first good flick that has landed in Gerard Butler's lap since 300. Watching Jamie Foxx duck and cover while Butler blows up shit all around him promises to be intensely thrilling.

Black Dynamite (10.16 ltd.) "So if you crave satisfaction, then dig this action. Guaranteed to put your AAAAASSSSSSSS in traction!" I love a trailer trash that writes itself. You can be sure if Black Dynamite comes to my town, I won't miss the chance to revisit the blaxploitation experience.


Where the Wild Things Are (10.16) Phenomenal! Spike Jonze has captured the look of the book perfectly. My only possible hesitation...wondering how much screentime could it possibly take to go through ten lines of story?

Zombieland (10.02) I love a good wacky Woody Harrelson character and this loony, zombie killin' leading man more than qualifies. Sure they may have cut some corners on special effects and make-up, but its got zombies in an amusement park getting their heads blown off by Emma Stone! I'm already drooling just thinking about it!


A Serious Man (10.02 ltd.) The latest and greatest Coen Brothers movie. Given their track record and my admiration of their work, why would this not top my list? Granted, I don't know what it's about, but watching that guy get his head repeatedly beat against the wall swayed me.

***
You may have noticed I snuck a couple of limited release films into the mix. Normally I wouldn't do this, but these were more than worthy of mentioning. Now if you'll excuse me, all this banging has left me tender and my ice packs are melting.