Thursday, June 24, 2010

Abu Dhabi Don't

Sex and the City 2

Release: 05.27.10
Rated R
2 hours, 26 minutes

Group Rental

At the end of the previous movie, Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker, Smart People) is in wedded bliss with Mr. Big (Chris Noth, Cast Away), Miranda (Cynthia Nixon, The Babysitters) regains a balance between career and family, Charlotte (Kristin Davis, Couple's Retreat) realizes her goal of giving birth, and Samantha (Kim Cattrall, The Ghost Writer) is back to fucking any hot hunk within reach. Two years later it's a tale of be careful what you wish for as Carrie finds the routine of married life too mundane, Miranda's boss infuriates her, Charlotte's kids are driving her bonkers, and Samantha's menopause threatens to end her desire to ride the broncos. Samantha finagles an escape to a luxury resort in Abu Dhabi for the foursome, hoping the sun, sand and some stiff drinks will be the stress relief they all need.

I knew this film was in trouble when a very emotionally tender exchange of vows between Stanford (Willie Garson, Fever Pitch) and Tony (Mario Cantone, TV: Sex & the City) was cut at a breakneck pace to give Liza Minnelli (The Oh in Ohio) time to perform her rendition of Beyoncé's Single Ladies in its entirety. The scene was an unnecessary extravagance, completely extraneous and not pertinent to the plot. Very little of the content of the two and a half hour film actually has any bearing on the plot. Instead, writer-director Michael Patrick King (Sex & the City) makes Sex & the City 2 an exercise in indulgence.

Fans might argue that the tale of four Big Apple gals had always been an excuse to savor the latest fashions and trends. However, the show had a knack for balancing plot with the glam. The plot of Sex & the City 2 was nothing more than a mirage in this glitzy desert. King toys with preaching about cultural tolerance and marital compromise, but aside for one poignant conversation between Miranda and Charlotte, the movie is little more than a hodgepodge of hi-jinks and insulting pseudo-vocabulary.

Dirty Undies
Flesh, in various states, is prevalent. Alice Eve (She's Out of My League) plays Charlotte's beautiful, bra-less au pair. If bouncy boobs aren't your tastes, there's a whole kiwi-smuggling team of soccer hooligans lounging poolside for you to ogle. As always, Carrie dares to bare and I found myself drawn to her ample bosom, which saved me from having to stare into her freaky-harsh features. Even Samantha was looking pretty haggard; her sparkly new beau Rikard (Max Ryan, Death Race) was more comely.

The Money Shot
Experiencing Sex & the City 2 is like riding a carousel as an adult; you buy a ticket and hop in the saddle, anxious and excited. The music blares, lights flash and a world of bright colors surrounds you. But it's not as fun as you remember. You exit, exactly where you started, wanting to punch the money-grubbing carnie (and yourself) for believing you could relive your fond memories.

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