Wednesday, January 27, 2010

07 of '09: Confessions Part III

Welcome to Part III of my Confessions.

For those just joining the festivities, this is the Reel Whore's 2009 year in review. Two awards have already been handed out, but there's lots more to come. If you need, you can do a little catch up:

Part I

Part II

Award #3: Best Cameos of 2009

Obviously, this award recognizes actors or famous personalities who pop in for a brief grin-and-wink as themselves or some minor character. When done properly, a great cameo might be the best (or only) moment you remember about a movie.

Announcement of the following nominees may spoil some shocking and/or hilarious moments in a movie. If you don't like spoilage, consider yourself warned!

The Sloppy Seconds:

Will Ferrell
As Don Ready's old partner in The Goods, Will makes a leap of faith for the sake of a sale. It was so much funnier than watching his Land of the Lost crash and burn.

Mike Tyson
- Don't call it a comeback, more like a re-invention. The former heavyweight champ has traded in his boxing gloves for the box office. He followed up his doc with a knockout appearance in The Hangover.

- Funny People
was a roll call of famous comedians, but few get in more than a single joke. Instead, the bigger laughs come from musicians. Eminem delivered a surprisingly hilarious scene without flubbing it. It was far more convincing than his outrage at having Sasha Baren Cohen's ass dangled in his face.

Lou Ferrigno- Do I really need another reason other than the fact that he's Lou the friggin' Incredible Hulk Ferrigno? No matter how many puke green CGI monstrosities they churn out, there will only be one Lou, and I Love You, Man respected the man and the legacy.

James Taylor
- The second noteworthy cameo from
Funny People, no pun intended. NC's favorite son Jimmy T soothes audiences with his mellow melodies, but it's his encore exclamation that solidified his best cameo status.

William Shatner
- Fanboys drew from a deep well of geekdom to wrangle up some quality cameo talent although all save one were given parts worthy of their inclusion. Shatner brilliantly delivered his delectable ham with a hefty side of cheese.

And the award for Best Cameo of 2009 goes to:

Bill Murray - The moment Bill Murray appeared as himself in Zombieland, I knew he had this award in the bag. He's the Bill we all know and love for every brief moment he's . If there ever is a zombie apocalypse, I'm taking the party to Bill's house.

Award #4: Most Wasted Actors of 2009

On the flipside of cameos, sometimes an actor or actress is hired for a film that essentially wastes the talents that audiences have come to know and love. As an audience member, I feel gypped when someone I was excited to see turns out to be barely a footnote in the film. Shame on these 2009 movies for wasting these brilliant folks.

The Sloppy Seconds:
Luis Guzman- In He's Just Not That Into You, Luis plays Javier the contractor and speaks maybe one complete sentence. What happened, Luis? Did you vomit on Spielberg's signed copy of Anne Frank's Diary? Fingers crossed for a 2010 comeback!
Jaime Pressly- Ms. Pressly's NC Represent! attitude and great comedic talent were wasted as the friend of Rashida Jones in I Love You, Man. Just think how much funnier the movie could have been with a little more Jaime.

Niecy Nash- If there was ever any doubt that G-Force was a flop, the way they completely underutilized the huge, um, talents of Niecy Nash should leave no doubt. As the pet shop owner, she spit a line of Spanglish and exited stage left. What is this foolishness?!
Ted Raimi- For the life of me, I can't figure why Sam Raimi shat upon his brother in Drag Me to Hell. Don't remember seeing him? That's because he's the voice of the doctor in one off-camera scene! What kind of family dysfunction has occurred that'd make Sam deprive us of a face like that?
Sanaa Lathan- The decision to cast Sanaa Lathan as an angel in Powder Blue couldn't have been more appropriate. However, it's unforgivable that a woman so talented was crammed into a two-scene part with barely any dialogue.
Michelle Rodriguez- Fast & Furious boasted the return of all the "original parts." It neglected to mention one part would be ripped out, run over and left to die in a flashback in the gorram opening. Hang in there, M-Rod, your day will come.

And the award for Most Wasted Actor of 2009 goes to:

Ryan Reynolds- Those who saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine know what I'm talking about. Audiences were tantalized with Ryan's adorable mug, killer abs and witty delivery in the establishing story only to have him spirited away from our loving grasp. When he does return, he looks like a reject from the Saw franchise. Next time you're looking to ruin a career, there are plenty of actors from G.I.Joe that are well on their way to obscurity.

Ooh, tomorrow is the Hump Day of my Confessions! I can hardly wait for what's in store. Is your spidey-sense tingling, too?

Large Association of Movie Blogs


  1. Luis Guzman might've made it on here twice, for his wasted time in Pelham 1 2 3, as also pointed out by Esquire in their latest issue, where I believe they asked if he even had any lines. For shame.

  2. I almost mentioned Pelham, too, but I thought it'd be overkill! On IMDB he had an uncredited role in Old Dogs, too?! '09 was not his year.

    I'm just glad he's got his own statue at Greendale Community College. It's good to know he's not been completely forgotten.

  3. Shit, I forgot about this statue - that almost makes up for all the other wastings. Loved that completely random inclusion of him there (though who knows, maybe it's not all that random if he's friends with the creators or something).

  4. I was really hoping he was going to show up in that episode. Maybe he'll make an appearance, esp if he's friends w/ the creators, et. al.

    Maybe he'll be a super-douche and demand to have the likeness removed. Those kind of guest spots are always fun.

    If and when he does appear, it will be awesome b/c that show rocks. Did you enjoy Senor Chang rockin' out at the V-Day dance?